A Mom Blog Social Network
Let me first start off by saying I am not trying to start a war between moms. I happen to see value in every person in the world. I do not judge you by color, who you are or are not married to, the type of job you or your husband may have, where you live or don't live, what kind of car you drive, where your children go to school, or what kind (if any) of education you have. I personally try my best to treat people the way that I would like to also be treated. Like a person.
Lately I have been reading a few articles and not only have they gotten me upset but also confused. The women writing these articles are telling women to not be Stay-at-home-moms at all and that if they do their children will resent them for it. Because you won't have the money to allow them to do all the stuff that they would like to do. Is this really true? Do children resent their parents because they say no to them? I am a child of a SAHM. I have already gone through the bummed out feeling in not getting to do everything that I wanted. However, there was a lot that I did get to do. And as I grew up, I gained understanding that in the real world even adults don't get everythng that they want. My children are going through the same situations now. Even though my two younger sons don't always get it, my other two children do. Because as they grow I take the time in teaching and showing them how the world works with regards to wages, prices of food and clothing...etc. My goal would be that all my children understand decisions of money and how we (their parents) prioritize where that money goes.
The articles go on to say that if I am not earning a pay check then I am devalued as a mom by society and that the day to day things that I do won't really matter in the end. (Seriously?!) That word devalue really makes my knuckle white. They go on to say that I should have skills in getting a job so that if things like divorce, disabiliy, or getting laid off happens to my husband, I then have to take over the responsiblilty of earning the wages. Now as I have posted earlier, my husband has MS. So I know and have known that some day I may have to go to "work." But I also thought that people were supposed to prepare for "what if" all the while enjoying the life they have. Not preparing with dread and doom. Personally, I'm for getting as much education as you would like to or need to have. We raise our children that everyone should learn something new each and every day of their lives. Whether you learn from school or social life. Learning is good. I am not here to tell anyone what they should or should not do in their lives. Because we have all been given the blessing of choice. I also know that there are moms who choose to work rather than stay at home. I don't think less of them because of their choice. And yes, I am also aware that some moms are put in situations that make it so that they have to work. I support them because they are moms. I am in the understanding that a mom is an extremely important "job." No matter what! I would not dare tell someone that society devaules them just because have to work; no I say good for you being able to do for your family.
I guess it is the wording of things like (have to, society, skills, devalue) that have me all over the place. Normally, I would care less of what people thought of me. But I feel that I am a representation of my family also. So isn't what society thinks of me also the same of what they think of my family? Because I don't have a wage paying job, is my family looked at negatively for it? Should I tell my daughter that her husband might leave her and that she should never stop working outside the house? Or that her husband might lose his job or get disabled and she might have to support the family before she says her "I dos?" I don't think marriage would look that great to her if I were to do those things. I have however told her that she can become anything she would like to be. And that her father and I would help and support her if and when needed. I want my daughter to be proud of the choices she makes. I want her to be her own woman. I don't want her growing up and in her heart not really liking men because of the "what if's." So I am asking you SOCIETY, am I really useless in the world just because I am a SAHM? Let me and others know your feeling on this.
Hi Tonya - this conversation has been going on for a VERY long time! And there is still no answer that works for every woman. Please just remember, that no matter what anyone else says or does, this is YOUR choice to do what YOU feel is best for YOUR family. There is an old saying that goes, "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world," but not every woman wants to make their contribution to the world in that particular way. Those of us who do . . . . well, it is what it is.
I was a SAHM when I was raising my older children, and because of all of the nonsense being thrown around in my world at the time, I decided to return to college when they were all in school. Partly because there really was this notion that women who stayed at home to raise their children only did so because they were too stupid to do anything else. So, I decided to see if that was true.
Well, after three college degrees, I finally proved to myself that I was capable of doing whatever I needed to do . . . . but that I was also free to do whatever was right for me. Now we are raising our two beautiful younger daughters, adopted from China, and working from home, hopefully putting all that college experience to good use, which allows me to be here with my girls when they come home from school, field trips, dr. and dentist appointments without having a meltdown . . . . and also use a portion of my energy and education to help my family financially. This is such a personal choice, that we shouldn't let anyone convince that we are not the most valuable presence in our children's life. No matter what else we do. Keep up the good work, whatever you decide!