A Mom Blog Social Network
I love that there's a group on here just for 20-something Moms! And seeing as we're all in the same boat here, I was hoping you all may have some advice for me. I'm 26 and a first-time Mom (my daughter is just over 4 months). I have had the same close group of girlfriends since middle school (some as early as elementary school!) and we're all about the same age. But I'm the only one with a baby, and the only one who plans to have kids at this age. I love my girlfriends but I'm having a hard time relating to a lot of them now - most of them are just getting married now (I've been married for over 2 years), just getting out of school (I graduated college in 2006 but most of my friends went on to get advanced degrees) and/or just buying a house (I purchased my first home over a year ago).
I feel like we're all in such different places in our lives and sometimes I feel like we're not as connected as we used to be. Do you have any advice for how to deal with this situation? I don't want to lose my friends or the closeness we share. I noticed a change before I had my daughter but now that I'm a Mom, I feel completely disconnected. Any thoughts? Thanks! I appreciate your help :)
Hi and welcome
I don't really know if I can be of much help..I was sort of in the same boat, I finished school before any of my friends, was married and had children first (I got married at 21 and now i'm 25 and due with my 3rd child in a couple of months). I did end up losing touch a fair bit with my best friend from high school and college..we still talk once in a while but not very frequently since we are in different stages in life it's hard to relate (though she just got engaged so maybe things will become more natural soon). I ended up finding a group of ladies closer to my age (though I'm still the youngest by a few years) who are in the same stage of life as I am and have developed friendships with them..our kids are almost all the same ages, so it makes playdates work well.
I wouldn't give up your current friends, but maybe just be open to developing new friendships as well..meet your old friends for coffee or have them over for a movie after the baby is in bed, but you can have mom-talks and playdates with new mom-friends..sorry to hear you're having a rough time, it's hard i know...check around for playgroups and mommy-meetings at local community centers, churches, or libraries
Thanks, Savannah! I'm definitely open to new friendships - it would be nice to have a chance to hang out with other Moms, even if they're not my age. At the moment, I'm having a hard time finding a playgroup/mommy-meetup in my area. Most of them are tailoed to SAHM (I'm a working Mom), so all the get-togethers are during the day. But I'm glad I found online forums and sites that offer support :)
Thanks for your advice!
Haha, Roxanne, that's okay! That means it was really good advice when more than one Mommy is passing that info along :)
To be honest, I'm a little scared to have that talk with my friends. They're great ladies, don't get me wrong, but I'm so unsure of how they will react that I've chickened out of talking with them about it. But at least I've learned to accept that we're all in different places in our lives and that's totally okay.
I'm working on finding more friends in similar points in their lives and hopefully once I have that support network established, I won't feel so disconnected from a social life :)
Thanks again for your advice!
Life is like a box of chocolates....some chocolates are eaten, some are picked at, and others melt. I was married at 17, had my first baby at 18. 7 years and 3 babies later, I'm still the only one of my friends that is married, with children, and a career. When I was still 18 I couldn't relate to my friends either, though we still kept in touch, but I developed new relationships with moms in their 20's and 30's. It's all about moving forward with your new life...and as harsh as it may seem sometimes moving forward means leaving others behind. But your GAIN DEFINITELY outweighs the losses....