The other day, I was chugging away at the treadmill (Have you ever tried to drink while jogging? Makes it so much more fun—and that will be relevant, I promise), reading my trash rags.  I came across this quote from Aisha Tyler:

“Sleepovers are wasted on kids.  They’re so much more fun when you can drink!”

I gotta tell ya, peeps:  I have seriously sat back during a sleepover at my best friend’s house and watched her kids and their friends run around the house…

I like to call this series of photos "Raising Boys":

 …

Recently, I went to a Tupperware party.

Let’s be clear, here.  Normally, my friends know not to invite me to these things, because they all know my stance:  Don’t invite me to “parties” where you’re trying to sell me shit.  Why?  Because I am a cheap tightwad bastard mother-effer, and if I can’t find it at Wal-Mart or Dollar General—or, when I’m feeling really fancy, Big Lots—well then dammit, I don’t need it.

And Tupperware—I’m even more adamantly opposed to…

I’m totally not using today’s post as an excuse to brag about my first half marathon, which I ran a few weeks ago with a time of 2 hours and 10 minutes.  I’m not. 

Just like I haven’t started every single conversation since finishing the race with this:  “Oh, really?  You ate a grilled cheese for lunch today?  That reminds me of that one time I ran a half marathoooooooooooooooooooon.”  I drag it out because that’s how I sound when I’m being pretentious.  (By the way, if the…