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The other day, I was chugging away at the treadmill (Have you ever tried to drink while jogging? Makes it so much more fun—and that will be relevant, I promise), reading my trash rags. I came across this quote from Aisha Tyler:
“Sleepovers are wasted on kids. They’re so much more fun when you can drink!”
I gotta tell ya, peeps: I have seriously sat back during a sleepover at my best friend’s house and watched her kids and their friends run around the house…Continue
Recently, I went to a Tupperware party.
Let’s be clear, here. Normally, my friends know not to invite me to these things, because they all know my stance: Don’t invite me to “parties” where you’re trying to sell me shit. Why? Because I am a cheap tightwad bastard mother-effer, and if I can’t find it at Wal-Mart or Dollar General—or, when I’m feeling really fancy, Big Lots—well then dammit, I don’t need it.
And Tupperware—I’m even more adamantly opposed to…Continue
I’m totally not using today’s post as an excuse to brag about my first half marathon, which I ran a few weeks ago with a time of 2 hours and 10 minutes. I’m not.
Just like I haven’t started every single conversation since finishing the race with this: “Oh, really? You ate a grilled cheese for lunch today? That reminds me of that one time I ran a half marathoooooooooooooooooooon.” I drag it out because that’s how I sound when I’m being pretentious. (By the way, if the…Continue