My daughter got a new toy for Christmas that gives me a serious case of the CREEPS.  And I am convinced that it's plotting to kill me in my sleep.  Click over to my blog to see why the Furby is the star of my nightmares:  "…

Here's another list of crazy things I've come to realize over the past several days.  And included this time is the discovery that Santa needs to be A LOT more organized next year.  Click over to my blog to read the whole list:  …

Here is another list I've put together noting crazy things I've discovered lately.  Included this week is the realization that I may or may not have accidentally mailed multiple holiday cards to the same people.  Oops.  Click over to my…

As you well know, it's been a week that ended with unspeakable tragedy, and my heart has been very heavy for all the innocent little victims and families affected by the shootings in Connecticut.  But I hope that my list of things I've learned lately can bring a much needed…

 It's all too easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, but I am bound and determined to not let THIS December turn me into a giant asshole!  Click over to my blog to see just what I'm talking about:  …

Here I present you with another list of fascinating things I've learned throughout the past week.  Included this time is the realization that December would be an excellent month to win the lottery.  Or to rob a bank.  Click over to my blog for…

Because kids have a hard time seeing the world outside their own little bubbles, I've tried to teach mine about the importance of giving to those in need.  Click over to my blog to read about a very special holiday tradition our family looks forward to each year:…

Here is another one of my wacky lists of things I've learned lately.  This week includes the realization that my town has already put up its Christmas decorations.  So we can now eat our Halloween candy under the mistletoe.  Awesome.  Click over to my blog for the full list: …

** Once again, I have no desire to go out and get all crazy on New Year's Eve.  (I'd rather do it the night BEFORE New Year's Eve.)

** Christmas cookies seriously kicked my ass this year.

** Trying to write with a house full of people is like trying to have sex with a house full of people (uh....not that I would know or…

Remember that story a few weeks ago when we lost the mother fucking Elf on the Shelf, and I was all panicked that it might be the last Christmas for believing in Santa in my household?  Well, it saddens me beyond words, but I'm pretty sure the jig is up (at…

** These people are driving me nuts. And by people, I mean my family.

** Holiday shoppers are complete assholes.

** My to-do list is evidently not gonna write itself.

** It's also not going to do itself either.

** Cleaning is clearly a complete waste of my time.

** There's something pretty freaking…

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through our pad,

Every creature was stirring, being exceptionally bad.

The stockings were hung too close to the floor,

And Goatdog was eating each one that he tore.

The twins were bouncing off the walls in their…

I swear my blog pretty much writes itself with the ridiculous things that continuously happen to me.  And good old Goatdog is often at the center of the craziness that provides such good writing material.  Remember last week when he charged right through the glass on the front door of our house?  Well, the big furry bastard actually topped that little stunt over the weekend,…

** The next time my kids PROMISE me they'll stay in bed if I read just one more itty bitty chapter, I'll know they're totally full of shit.

** Screw Santa -- MOMS are the ones who need elves!!!!

** No matter how many times I return it to the basement, an Australian boomerang keeps reappearing on my kitchen…

** Skid marks can suck it.

** If you can drive five REALLY loud eight-year-old girls without wrecking the car, you can do just about anything.

** I think I'm gonna make it easier on myself and just give everyone access to my bank account this Christmas.

** Stupidity is what makes the world go round (or at least it seems that way…

WARNING: ** Look away if you don't like an occasional f-bomb every now and then.  Cause in this case?  It just couldn't be helped.  (Sorry, Mom and Dad....) **

Every year our "Elf on the Shelf" tradition brings me a combination of both…

** This is a re-post from 2 years ago, but it's always a hit recipe during the holiday season.  Enjoy!!! **

You know it's gonna be a good day when you're strolling through the wine aisle at the grocery store on a random Saturday morning and someone's offering you a shot of vodka.  After a long week of racing around chasing…

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** There's no calling in sick when you're a mom.

** Antibiotics and my stomach are soooooo not BFF's.

** Kids are ten times louder when you tell them you have a headache.

** The dirty clothes…

** It's the last day of the year?  Really?

** A resolution or two may actually be in order this time.

** I do not look sexy with white hair.

** The new favorite word among the short people here is "midget".

** Explaining how to be politically correct to second graders is a lost cause.

** It is…

It seems that most people I know have an Elf on the Shelf these days.  You know, the little red-and-white-clad guy who hangs out at your house during the whole month of December, flying back to the North Pole to report to the big man at night about your kids' behavior?  Yeah, that guy.  Anyway, my kids…