I present to you yet another one of my lists of recent wacky discoveries I've made.  Included this time is the realization that the floor is apparently a better coat rack than the coat rack.  Click over to my blog for the…

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Here I present you with another list of fascinating things I've learned throughout the past week.  Included this time is the realization that December would be an excellent month to win the lottery.  Or to rob a bank.  Click over to my blog for…

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Once again, I've made a list of some of the crazy things I've come to realize over the past several days.  Included is the discovery that a jackhammer at a Metallica concert would be quieter than some of the carpools I've driven.  Click over to my blog to read more: …

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Here is yet another list of amazing things I've learned over the past several days.  Included is the good news that today is the official start of summer vacation for my kids, which means the bad news is that today is the official start of summer vacation for…

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** My son likes to make his penis talk.  (Don't ask.)

** The entire household turns into assholes when my husband goes out of town.

** My kids wait to take a dump until it's time to walk out the door.

** This ass isn't gonna run itself off.

** You can never ever hug your kids too much.

** When life hands you…

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** Skid marks can suck it.

** If you can drive five REALLY loud eight-year-old girls without wrecking the car, you can do just about anything.

** I think I'm gonna make it easier on myself and just give everyone access to my bank account this Christmas.

** Stupidity is what makes the world go round (or at least it seems that way…

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** Recovery time from the weekend is much much longer than it used to be.

 

** I should just hand out money to trick-or-treaters as much as candy costs these days.

 

** School pick up in the rain is about as much fun as filing your nails with a chain saw.

 

** It's impossible to get the smell of dead snail off your hands.  Don't ask -- just…

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I don't know about you, but sometimes, I can't help but laugh my buns off when my kids are throwing an all-out fit.  They just look so incredibly ridiculous to me as they're wailing and screaming and flailing themselves about the floor.  In fact, I've even videotaped one of my daughter's tantrums to show her just what an asshole looks like in action.  Of course, she doesn't…

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** Someone should come up with a Beano for brain farts.

 

** Motherhood is no place for migraines.

 

** Our water bill's gonna be $10,000 this month, thanks to my son's obsession with the hose.

 

** Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, is louder than the volume of a carpool of short people.

 

** Digging for your keys…

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I hate to admit it, but my husband was actually right.  (Did pigs just fly?)  He tried to warn me, but I didn't listen to him.  I thought that being the MOM, I knew what was what.  I was convinced that I was being an awesome mama by letting my kids participate in all the summer activities they wanted.  (Ok, you can stop pointing and laughing at me,…

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Let's face it, all mamas need to recharge their batteries every now and then to keep from going all Mommy Dearest on their families. I truly believe it makes you a better parent to have some time away from your whiny crew in order to appreciate the life you have, however crazy it may be. That is the very reason why I enjoyed some much needed adult time with some of my long-time high school buds over this past weekend.



Now granted, getting ready to leave was no easy task. It… Continue

 

** Getting back to reality after vacation is like getting KO'd by Mike Tyson in the first round.

 

** I totally need a vacation from my vacation.

 

** My to-do list seems to be taking Viagra.

 

** Showering is just a whole lot of work.

 

** I'd rather eat a shit sandwich than sit in the Apple store for two…

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** My to -do list is in kahoots with Mother Nature to see who can drive me the batshit craziest.

 

•• Think VERY long and hard before letting a dog lick you in the face.

 

** I gave birth to aliens.

 

•• With his penis tricks and burping capabilities, my son will easily be the star of his fraternity some day.

 

**…

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Okay, y'all...I've got to get a more sane post up here fast. I have been linked in a few blogs over the last week, which I appreciate so very much! The thing is, many the awesome readers of The Desperate Housemommy, Wonder Friend and Studio Thirty Plus may…

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