After taking care of a sick kid all week, cabin fever has taken over me, but I still managed to put together my weekly list of kooky things I've learned.  Included this time is that whoever said 40 was the new 30 was either full of shit or drunk.  Click over to my blog for the…

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I've once again made a list of some of the kooky things I've learned throughout the past several days.  Included this week is the realization that adult-sized bodies do NOT fit in elementary school-sized desks.  Click over to my blog to read the full list:  "…

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Another week has passed me by, but I did manage to make another list of some of the crazy knowledge that I've gained along the way.  Included is the realization that parenting without humor is like driving a car without a steering wheel.  Click over to my blog to read the whole list:…

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Another stimulating list of "Things I've Learned This Week" awaits you over on my blog. Included is the realization that I can save money at the liquor store by just chugging the hand sanitizer in my purse. Who knew??!! Click here for more: …

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Check out my list of this last week's finer discoveries like the realization that money disappears faster from my wallet than my husband does from cleaning duties. Hop on over to my blog for the full list:…

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** My son likes to make his penis talk.  (Don't ask.)

** The entire household turns into assholes when my husband goes out of town.

** My kids wait to take a dump until it's time to walk out the door.

** This ass isn't gonna run itself off.

** You can never ever hug your kids too much.

** When life hands you…

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I don't know about you, but sometimes, I can't help but laugh my buns off when my kids are throwing an all-out fit.  They just look so incredibly ridiculous to me as they're wailing and screaming and flailing themselves about the floor.  In fact, I've even videotaped one of my daughter's tantrums to show her just what an asshole looks like in action.  Of course, she doesn't…

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** Guinea pigs poop more than any other creature on this planet.  For real, y'all.

 

** It's all fun and games till your kid locks you out of the house.

 

** I'm the queen of accidentally mooning strangers on the street.

 

** Losing track of time while shopping in Target is a given.

 

** So is spending more than…

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** Motherhood = taking your first shower of the day at midnight (IF you're lucky....)

 

** Tornado warnings surprisingly do not freak out my kids.

 

** Although it's been hazy, there's definitely been nothing lazy about summer so far.

 

** No good can come from a group of second graders with a hose.

 

**…

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** Men with the last name of Weiner really do like to take pictures of their junk.

 

** It's time to do laundry when you're trying to talk your second grader into going commando.

 

** My son evidently wrote a story in school about a giant turd that was terrorizing a town.  I'm so proud.

 

** I expect to hear the Jaws theme song any…

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Let's face it, all mamas need to recharge their batteries every now and then to keep from going all Mommy Dearest on their families. I truly believe it makes you a better parent to have some time away from your whiny crew in order to appreciate the life you have, however crazy it may be. That is the very reason why I enjoyed some much needed adult time with some of my long-time high school buds over this past weekend.



Now granted, getting ready to leave was no easy task. It… Continue

 

** Whoever invented "New Math" is an asshole.

 

** Parents should get a big friggin' cut of their kid's lemonade stand profits.  Just sayin'.

 

** It's Friday the 13th, so I should probably watch out for tall, creepy men wearing hockey masks in the woods.

 

** My son's backpack weighs 400 pounds thanks to the ginormous rock…

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** Call me a scrooge, but I wouldn't even get up at 4 AM for my own friggin' wedding!!!

 

** A Chatty Cathy at a nail salon is like a yodeler at a library.

 

** Easter grass will still be lingering in corners and under furniture come Christmas time.

 

** Peace and quiet are about as likely to show up in my house as a…

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** It's very possible for your ass to go numb.

 

** Showers are so overrated.

 

** I really need to work on my Running Man.

 

** Sometimes a picture's not worth a thousand words, but rather, only 140 characters.

 

** Champagne and I do NOT go…

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** This household is a little too obsessed with man parts.

 

** Starbucks is calling their new XXL size a "Trenta" cause "big ass cup" would've been too easy.

 

** The American Girl store has completely brainwashed my daughter.

 

** Groupon…

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Like it or not, there are certain indicators that announce to the world that you, my friend, are a parent. Some of them are subtle, and some of them are lit up like Times freaking Square. And rather than deny some of the more embarrassing aspects of raising a shorty (ie: an unexpected nipple slip in the checkout line at the grocery store), it's better to just embrace them…

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