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Nuckingfutsmama's Blog – March 2011 Archive (9)

Barf Bag Anyone?

If I told you how shiteous our trip down to Florida was for spring break, I honestly don’t think you’d believe me. We totally gave the Griswolds a run for their money and then some. Cause let me just tell ya, when it rains in the Nucking Futs Family, it friggin’ monsoons, people.

It started out with my husband dumping over half his…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on March 31, 2011 at 10:09am — 1 Comment

Things I've Learned This Week

** My to -do list is in kahoots with Mother Nature to see who can drive me the batshit craziest.

•• Think VERY long and hard before letting a dog lick you in the face.

** I gave birth to aliens.

•• With his penis tricks and burping capabilities, my son will easily be the star of his fraternity some day.

**…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on March 25, 2011 at 5:09pm — No Comments

Haircut Fail

Let me just preface this blog post by saying that I would never, I repeat NEVER, want to cut children's hair. I mean, it's gotta take a shit ton of patience to keep a steady hand with a wriggling, crying, pain in the ass kid in your chair, right? So yes, I most certainly have the utmost respect for anyone who can actually accomplish this difficult…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on March 24, 2011 at 12:04pm — No Comments

Dump & Flush (A Public Service Announcement)

I'm gonna go out on a limb here & say that most of us are not big fans of public restrooms. There's the whole ick factor of a peed- upon seat or a toilet bowl full of skid marks, and there's also the embarrassment that goes along with doing your business in the presence of others. Sometimes you get the little old lady playing a symphony of…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on March 16, 2011 at 11:23am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Mother Nature clearly needs to get laid.

** Goatdog's favorite place to hump is smack dab in front of the elementary school.

** I am the queen of wearing my thong sideways.

** Even a monetary bribe won't get my son to eat his damn sandwich at lunch.

** Nobody has been summoned to jury duty more than…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on March 11, 2011 at 10:49am — No Comments

Bite Your Tongue (Or Not)

For the love of Pete, is it too much to ask for just ONE friggin' dull moment??!! Now don't get me wrong -- I love my nucking futty life and wouldn't trade it for anything in this world, but damn, it's just been one shitstorm after another lately. And quite frankly, I am so tired that even my tired is tired. The latest detour on my crazy train? It once again involved my daughter and…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on March 10, 2011 at 2:37pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Farting on me is apparently highly entertaining.

** My daughter is on a mission for me to go out and "buy" a baby.

** It's all fun and games till a slobbery dog toy lands in your salad.

** If I end up passed out in a gutter at 3 a.m. this weekend, Charlie Sheen would categorize that as "winning".

** I need to…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on March 4, 2011 at 12:45pm — 2 Comments

Road Kill Standoff

Why do kids insist on FREAKING the eff out any time you call them out for acting like a complete jackass? It's like they know darn well that what they're doing is sooooo completely inappropriate and wrong, yet they refuse to hear you actually say that it's inappropriate and wrong. My son just so happens to be the absolute king of this.

I swear the kid…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on March 3, 2011 at 10:12am — No Comments

Goatdog Busts Free

Some of you may have heard through the grapevine that Goatdog has once again earned himself the old cone of shame. Yes, the genius has sliced open a pad on his paw, leaving one bloody trail after another throughout our house. Good freaking times, let me tell ya. And since experience has unfortunately taught us that he can't wear the "normal" plastic cones that the vet sells, he gets to wear a "special" (aka: more expensive) cushy cone that makes him look as if he's wearing a 19th…

Nuckingfutsmama's Blog – March 2011 Archive (9)

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