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** Call me a scrooge, but I wouldn't even get up at 4 AM for my own friggin' wedding!!!
** A Chatty Cathy at a nail salon is like a yodeler at a library.
** Easter grass will still be lingering in corners and under furniture come Christmas time.
** Peace and quiet are about as likely to show up in my house as a…Continue
Getting out of my house for any given reason is a serious lesson in the art of patience. We are perpetually late for every single place we need to be. While my friends have all come to expect me to never ever be on time, I feel really bad when I'm late for something like soccer practice (where we're actually PAYING MONEY for a child to participate.) That is…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on April 28, 2011 at 10:08am — No Comments
Sometimes I amaze myself at the many stupid things I inadvertently do. As hard as I try not to, I somehow always manage to have a brain fart or two every single week (ok, every single day, but who's counting?). It's really no wonder that my dad often calls me…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on April 26, 2011 at 10:00am — No Comments
For the past couple of days, I've been wondering how in the world the whole Easter bunny concept came to be and what the hell eggs have to do with a rabbit! It's pretty amazing that no one ever seems to question the association of an oversized hare who hides plastic eggs with the resurrection of Jesus. I am…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on April 23, 2011 at 11:26am — No Comments
** When you're a mama, your birthday is very often just another day.
** You know it's gonna be one of "those" days when you start it off by catching your dog divin' for toilet turds.
** Very few things can compare to a REALLY good scalp massage.
When I say "pick-up line", some people might think I'm referring to a cheesy phrase used in the hopes of getting into someone's pants. But any parent would know that I'm actually referring to the congregation of mamas, papas and caregivers gathered outside any given school around 3:00 in the afternoon. This is where you'll find me every single weekday waiting and waiting and…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on April 21, 2011 at 8:29am — No Comments
Eight years ago today, I was screaming my head off in a hospital room while trying to push out two oversized babies from my vagina. Yes, today is the birthday of two of the most awesome kids I know. And if you would've told me a decade ago that I'd be sitting here typing a blog post about being a mother to not one but TWO kids, I would've told you to go ahead and pop…Continue
** Organization is not my middle name.
** My son has gone to the dark side (or at the very least the goofy side).
** A salad just isn't a salad without an avocado.
** Having your line rodded is not as exciting as it may seem.
** I will never be Martha Stewart.
** Half days of school are…Continue
As I approach the end of my thirties, I swear things are just breaking down all over the damn place. I often feel like a dilapidated old house that's constantly got a leaky roof or a creak in the staircase. And I'm not even that friggin' old, for crap's sakes! Like it or not, however, I'm no spring chicken anymore. So, I've finally come to some rather unfortunate realizations about…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on April 13, 2011 at 11:16am — No Comments
This past weekend was nothing short of wild and flippin' crazy. Cause when you have boy/girl twins, there inevitably comes a time when they decide to protest the joint birthday party idea. Last year was unfortunately that time for us. So once again this year, I busted my underpaid ass to plan back-to-back extravaganzas for each individual kid on the very same…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on April 12, 2011 at 10:13am — No Comments
** Getting back to reality after vacation is like getting KO'd by Mike Tyson in the first round.
** I totally need a vacation from my vacation.
** My to-do list seems to be taking Viagra.
** Showering is just a whole lot of work.
** I'd rather eat a shit sandwich than sit in the Apple store for two…Continue
When it comes to parenting, there's definitely not a clear-cut right or wrong way. Every family has its own way of doing things that works best for them. Now I know that I am certainly not the poster mom for parenthood, but compared to some of the shady characters that I've run into lately, I'd say that I'm doing pretty alright.
I'm sure that most of you…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on April 7, 2011 at 12:42pm — No Comments