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Nuckingfutsmama's Blog – May 2011 Archive (13)

Things I've Learned This Week

** If it's breakable, there's a damn good chance that I'm gonna drop it.

** The autocorrect on my iPhone clearly does not know me by now.

** Kim Kardashian's engagement ring is almost as big as her ass.

** I could make peanut butter & jelly sandwiches in my sleep.

** Vacuuming without a bra is definitely the…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 27, 2011 at 10:46am — 5 Comments

One Man's Rubber Ball Is Another Man's Treasure

My son is certainly not afraid to go against the grain. If he thinks something is cool, he's gonna rock it out without giving a rat's ass what other people think of him. Hell, the kid even carried a purse to school a couple of weeks ago! He's just always had this strange tendency to become infatuated with rather odd objects.

Take, for example, the tomato stress ball that he borrowed from my dad and never quite returned:…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 26, 2011 at 12:00pm — No Comments

Shout Out to Sprout!

I never ever get surprise packages in the mail. In fact, the only time I ever receive a box on my front porch is when I order it myself or when my kids drag their crap out there to play some kind of crazy made-up game of theirs. So when I came home to find an unexpected parcel waiting for me a couple of weeks ago, well, I nearly peed my pants, y'all.

Much to my surprise,… Continue

Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 25, 2011 at 10:00am — No Comments

Takin' the Bull by the Horns

Let's face it, all mamas need to recharge their batteries every now and then to keep from going all Mommy Dearest on their families. I truly believe it makes you a better parent to have some time away from your whiny crew in order to appreciate the life you have, however crazy it may be. That is the very reason why I enjoyed some much needed adult time with some of my long-time high school buds over this past weekend.

Now granted, getting ready to leave was no easy task. It… Continue

Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 24, 2011 at 10:12am — 1 Comment

Things I've Learned This Week

** "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is one crazy train that I can't help but wanna ride.

** Supervising homework time without wine is like having oral surgery without Novocaine.

** I now know how to spell "Novocaine".

** Someone needs to seriously start manufacturing Midol for second graders.

** Green is not really the color… Continue

Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 20, 2011 at 10:00am — 1 Comment

Sorry, But Sex Is Not ALWAYS the Answer!!!

** WARNING: If you are my mom or my dad or any other sensitive family member of mine, you might wanna stop reading this right now because it is, in fact, about SEX.

You know how they say men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Well, sometimes I wonder if we're even in the same solar system at all. We just could not be wired…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 19, 2011 at 10:12am — No Comments

Laughing It Off

If you've been reading my blog for a while now, you know that I am not a big fan of the morning. There's just entirely too much talking, not enough following of directions, and a whole lot of driving Mama effing C-R-A-Z-Y goin' on up in here. I often find myself wishing I could crawl back in bed and start all over again. The only salvation I can hope for is…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 17, 2011 at 1:50pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Whoever invented "New Math" is an asshole.

** Parents should get a big friggin' cut of their kid's lemonade stand profits. Just sayin'.

** It's Friday the 13th, so I should probably watch out for tall, creepy men wearing hockey masks in the woods.

** My son's backpack weighs 400 pounds thanks to the ginormous rock…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 13, 2011 at 10:15am — 1 Comment

What Kind Of Friend Are You?

To me, a good friend is someone who isn't afraid to call you out when you look like a complete idiot. I don't know about you, but I'd much rather be told that I've got a huge chunk of spinach in my teeth before I walk around like a jackass all day completely oblivious to all the people pointing and laughing at me. Unfortunately, though, not everybody's got a buddy who's…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 12, 2011 at 2:00pm — No Comments

It's Nice To Not Feel Like A Doormat For A Change

Every now and then my family totally and completely surprises me. Just when I've had it up to here and have all but bought a one-way ticket to Timbuktu for myself, they go and do something really nice to show me that they actually DO appreciate me. This is why I wanted to freeze-frame the latter part of Mother's Day so that it would never ever end -- a girl could really get… Continue

Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 10, 2011 at 10:11am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** I can't remember what it feels like to think straight.

** It's insane how many errands you can accomplish when your kids aren't with you.

** Trying not to drink wine through the week is like trying to fight a bear with a feather duster.

** Friends don't let friends walk around with camel toe.

** Osama Bin…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 6, 2011 at 10:20am — No Comments

My Mother's Day Expectations (or Lack Thereof)

So I'm pretty sure we all know by now that this weekend is Mother's Day. If you don't then you must be living under a very large rock because every other commercial on t.v. is persuading you to buy this or to buy that for dear ol' Mom. Now I don't know about you, but I personally have a big problem with the short amount of time allotted to this particular holiday. I mean,…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 5, 2011 at 9:22am — No Comments

Mr. Forget His Balls If They Weren't Attached

I'm sure you've all heard me repeatedly grunt about the fact that my son would forget his balls if they weren't already attached to his little body. Well, the same could be said for my absentminded husband as well. The man could seriously be reminded every other second to do something and STILL neglect to do it. Bless his out-to-lunch heart, the dude damn near…

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Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 3, 2011 at 11:48am — No Comments