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** If it's breakable, there's a damn good chance that I'm gonna drop it.
** The autocorrect on my iPhone clearly does not know me by now.
** Kim Kardashian's engagement ring is almost as big as her ass.
** I could make peanut butter & jelly sandwiches in my sleep.
** Vacuuming without a bra is definitely the…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 26, 2011 at 12:00pm — No Comments
Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 25, 2011 at 10:00am — No Comments
** WARNING: If you are my mom or my dad or any other sensitive family member of mine, you might wanna stop reading this right now because it is, in fact, about SEX.
You know how they say men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Well, sometimes I wonder if we're even in the same solar system at all. We just could not be wired…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 19, 2011 at 10:12am — No Comments
If you've been reading my blog for a while now, you know that I am not a big fan of the morning. There's just entirely too much talking, not enough following of directions, and a whole lot of driving Mama effing C-R-A-Z-Y goin' on up in here. I often find myself wishing I could crawl back in bed and start all over again. The only salvation I can hope for is…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 17, 2011 at 1:50pm — No Comments
** Whoever invented "New Math" is an asshole.
** Parents should get a big friggin' cut of their kid's lemonade stand profits. Just sayin'.
** It's Friday the 13th, so I should probably watch out for tall, creepy men wearing hockey masks in the woods.
** My son's backpack weighs 400 pounds thanks to the ginormous rock…Continue
To me, a good friend is someone who isn't afraid to call you out when you look like a complete idiot. I don't know about you, but I'd much rather be told that I've got a huge chunk of spinach in my teeth before I walk around like a jackass all day completely oblivious to all the people pointing and laughing at me. Unfortunately, though, not everybody's got a buddy who's…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 12, 2011 at 2:00pm — No Comments
Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 10, 2011 at 10:11am — No Comments
** I can't remember what it feels like to think straight.
** It's insane how many errands you can accomplish when your kids aren't with you.
** Trying not to drink wine through the week is like trying to fight a bear with a feather duster.
** Friends don't let friends walk around with camel toe.
** Osama Bin…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 6, 2011 at 10:20am — No Comments
So I'm pretty sure we all know by now that this weekend is Mother's Day. If you don't then you must be living under a very large rock because every other commercial on t.v. is persuading you to buy this or to buy that for dear ol' Mom. Now I don't know about you, but I personally have a big problem with the short amount of time allotted to this particular holiday. I mean,…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 5, 2011 at 9:22am — No Comments
I'm sure you've all heard me repeatedly grunt about the fact that my son would forget his balls if they weren't already attached to his little body. Well, the same could be said for my absentminded husband as well. The man could seriously be reminded every other second to do something and STILL neglect to do it. Bless his out-to-lunch heart, the dude damn near…Continue
Added by nuckingfutsmama on May 3, 2011 at 11:48am — No Comments