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Almost bedtime's Blog (207)

Knees and cupcakes

Cliff is away.

Again.

He left half way through a long weekend. Naturally I wasn’t impressed. There’s nothing quite like being left alone on a Bank Holiday Monday with four kids. Bank Holidays are supposed to be my chance to get a break from being non-stop provider of kid care. Instead my workload was doubled or quadrupled or something.

Cliff claims that this conference is the best one he’s been to all year. He means work wise, of course. Not wanting…

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Added by almost bedtime on May 23, 2013 at 3:03pm — No Comments

Size of a cow

Last night, Cliff and I went on a date. We were supposed to be going to see the new Star Trek movie, but since the movie times available to us were either 6.40 pm (too early; we didn’t want to traumatize our friend who had offered to babysit for us by asking her to put four kids (especially the two youngest ones who don’t always do as they’re told) to bed) or 10 pm (too late; we are normally heading for bed this time of night not the movie theatre) we decided to give Star Trek a miss…

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Added by almost bedtime on May 19, 2013 at 1:59pm — No Comments

Angelina Jolie

If there is one thing we should all agree on about Angeline Jolie it’s this: that woman seems quite incapable of ever doing things by halves.

She isn’t just your run-of-the-mill actress; no, she has the kind of talent that gets nominated and goes on to win Oscars.

And when her dad pisses her off, she doesn’t just go into a huff for a couple of days until it’s his birthday or something and she feels obligated to speak to him again; no, she can go for six whole years…

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Added by almost bedtime on May 16, 2013 at 8:39pm — No Comments

The stranger in Starbucks

Lola was in a particularly feisty mood today, and by 4 pm she had had it!

Not that I blame her. Every Monday we drop Carly at dance class at 3.45 pm and every Monday we are forced to hang around until Carly’s class is done at 5.30 pm.

Some weeks aren’t so bad. We’ve wasted away many an hour (and many a dollar) on crap at the dollar store next to the dance studio. We nearly always have a Starbucks treat. And when the weather is dry, we while away a happy hour at the…

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Added by almost bedtime on May 14, 2013 at 9:56pm — No Comments

Learning to love Vancouver

The first time I ever visited Vancouver was in 2003. It was July. I still remember splashing in the sea at Kits beach with Cliff, mesmerized by the magnificent mountains on the other side of the bay, and gasping in disbelief that a city could actually be this awesome.

“We have to live here,” I kept saying. “This city has everything anyone could ever wish for: the ocean, the mountains and city life.”

We could hardly believe our luck when Cliff got offered a job in…

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Added by almost bedtime on May 11, 2013 at 5:16pm — No Comments

The sleepover

Carly and Lola have a volatile relationship. They can’t seem to be in each other’s presence for more than five minutes without all out war breaking out.

I don’t think Carly has ever forgiven Lola for stealing the most coveted spot of baby in the family from her. Even though Lola only held the title herself for a mere fourteen months before she had to hand it over to her brother, somehow the resentment that Carly harbours is focused entirely on her baby sister.

The…

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Added by almost bedtime on May 6, 2013 at 5:09pm — No Comments

Five questions you hope your 8 year old daughter will never ask… but were put to me in the past week

1) Mum? What’s a ménage-a-trios?

I was working out at the time. On my treadmill. In the basement.

Amy and Carly were also downstairs, playing dance school with the Barbies or something like that.

We were listening to Katy Perry.

More specifically, we were listening to Katy Perry’s ‘Last Friday Night’.

Last Friday night

We went streaking in the park

Skinny dipping in the dark

Then had a menage a…

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Added by almost bedtime on April 30, 2013 at 4:41pm — No Comments

Dance mums: taking competition to a whole new level

So it turns out that inside this outward semblance of a relatively sane and normal mother lurks a monster, a beast, a horror that I never dreamed could possess the mind of an unassuming person such as myself.

Last week I discovered that inside this outward semblance of a relatively sane and normal mother lurks the spirit of an ultracompetitive dance mum.

It seems that I have been catapulted into a whole other arena of competitive parenting: the world of dance…

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Added by almost bedtime on April 28, 2013 at 5:03pm — No Comments

Conversations with a 3 year old about body image and reality

We have this cracking photo of Lola, which always makes everyone in our family collapse on the floor in laughter whenever it comes up on the computer screen. It was taken last year in Australia. Lola was two at the time. Her pink baseball cap is on backwards, and her arms are crossed defiantly in front of her puffed out torso, Gangsta-style. A look that would be quite disturbing in someone so young if it wasn’t for the giant pink dummy obscuring the lower half of her face, and a…

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Added by almost bedtime on April 20, 2013 at 6:00pm — No Comments

So long, farewell... oh never mind...

I decided to stop writing my blog last weekend. I was deadly serious. I had even started to write my final, farewell blog post, which was, incidentally, going to be called ‘So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodnight’, and which I still intend to use as the title of my very last blog post.

My decision was prompted by an incident with my eldest daughter, Amy. She was looking through the photos on my iPhone. And she couldn’t get past the one I had taken of an ‘anti-bullying’…

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Added by almost bedtime on April 17, 2013 at 2:58pm — No Comments

Taxes and Anglophiles

One of the things that I’ve never gotten used to in my fifteen years of living in North America is the way that the price displayed clearly on the price tag is never the same amount as the cashier rings up at the cash register. I’m talking, of course, of that little something extra they never actually include in the advertised price, that extra little something for the government, otherwise known as taxes.

In Britain, when something says it is 95p, that is exactly how much it…

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Added by almost bedtime on April 13, 2013 at 3:37pm — No Comments

Maggie Thatcher

It’s 7 o’clock in the morning. And I am wedged on the couch between my three youngest children. Carly leaning heavily against me on one side, Lola squirming on the other, and Lance sprawled across my lap, a dead weight who is determined that his mother should not move a muscle without incurring his wrath.

I am, for want of a better word, trapped.

I haven’t even had time to take a sip of my freshly brewed cup of tea, which is sat at a tantalizing distance away from me.…

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Added by almost bedtime on April 9, 2013 at 1:51pm — No Comments

Luke, I am your father

It seems that my family and friends are not the only ones with big gobs when it comes to revealing the twists and plots of famous books and movies.

I also stand accused of being a blabbermouth.

By my 8 year old daughter of all people.

The very same one, incidentally, who kept letting things slip about Harry Potter and his pals.

For weeks now,…

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Added by almost bedtime on April 7, 2013 at 11:08am — No Comments

The Curse of the Blabbermouth Muggles

You may have noticed that I’ve been neglecting my blog of late.

I’ve been on a bit of a mission.

A Harry Potter mission.

Obviously nothing as exciting as all the adventures that Harry Potter himself got up to.

Indeed, my mission involved nothing more than sitting on my arse on the couch or curling up in bed.

But nevertheless it was still an important mission.

One that shall be henceforth referred to as ‘Claire Clay and the…

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Added by almost bedtime on April 5, 2013 at 1:43pm — No Comments

The obstinate bridesmaid

I may have mentioned before that Lola, my three year old, is a force to be reckoned with. She is determined, and she is stubborn. She digs her heels in over the most trivial matters (Ariel versus Cinderella underwear this morning) for no apparent reason. And she most definitely and unequivocally knows her own mind. Such is Lola’s personality that it manages to both terrify and impress me all at the same time.

My niece is getting married in June, and she has asked all three of my…

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Added by almost bedtime on March 28, 2013 at 11:09am — No Comments

The crib

One of the most fortuitous events in my life was meeting the McKennas.

The McKennas are quite simply one of the most generous, thoughtful, caring couples I have ever had the good fortune to meet.

When I moved to Philly fifteen years ago, the McKennas became my first friends. They were old friends of my BFF, Clare, from Glasgow, and they took me under their wing from the moment I arrived at Philadelphia airport with only two hundred quid in my pocket and a Visa card…

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Added by almost bedtime on March 26, 2013 at 10:19pm — No Comments

A day off

My job as a stay at home mum to four kids 8 years old and younger is relentless.

It never ends.

From the minute I get up in the morning…

…to the minute the big ones finally go to bed at night.

They’re with me.

Constantly.

At any time there will be at least one of my children sitting next to me (or on top of me) on the couch. Or I’ll get up to go to the bathroom and one of them will be there, under my feet, tripping me over…

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Added by almost bedtime on March 22, 2013 at 4:48pm — 1 Comment

Spilling the beans

When Cliff’s parents came into town last September, we went on a day trip up Grouse Mountain.

We arrived in time to see the live lumberjack show.

The lumberjack show was incredible. The lumberjacks’ skills are amazing.

And I mean, amazing.

Imagine being able to shimmy yourself up this tree trunk using just a rope. And then imagine standing on top of that tree trunk. My stomach flips just thinking about being up there. Then again, I'm…

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Added by almost bedtime on March 20, 2013 at 7:27pm — No Comments

A glimpse into our future

Have you ever had a glimpse into your future?

An image of what you might look like, for example, in the eyes of your daughter’s future boyfriend? The first one she dares to bring home from university?

I have.

Last Sunday night.

And it gave me the biggest laugh I've had in ages.

But perhaps I should start at the beginning. To the time, three years ago, when we moved into this house, and Cliff bought himself a massive high definition…

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Added by almost bedtime on March 17, 2013 at 5:39pm — No Comments

The husband gets his wires crossed

I can summarize everything I know about menopause in two words: hot flashes.

So you'll forgive me for waking up this morning, after a very fitful night, and thinking that my journey into that unknown world of hot flashes had begun.

I am a person who is perpetually cold.

Every night I carefully arrange two duvets around my body in a tight cocoon. As well as curling tightly around a hot water bottle for good measure.

Sometimes not even two duvets…

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Added by almost bedtime on March 15, 2013 at 6:44pm — No Comments