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I wish that my husband made enough money so that I could stay home with my son.
As I pulled my coat on the day I returned to work, he came to me stumbling out of his deep slumber. He stood there in his PJ’s, rubbing at his barely awakened eyes and invoked the “Mom Guilt” in me. I crouched down and squeezed him till his scent was embedded in my clothes. When I drove to work, I cried. I wished that I could stay at home with him.
Added by Kimberly on November 27, 2010 at 10:58am — No Comments
Having a boy, I kind of miss out when it comes to shopping for adorable girl things. Don’t get me wrong, shopping for boy clothes are pretty cool but it never induces the swoon factor when I catch a glimpse of the bows, the dresses and all the frills that shout to me from the girl section. Luckily though, meaning our bank account, God has blessed me with 2 very beautiful nieces so I can live my girlie shopping fantasies vicariously through…Continue
Added by Kimberly on November 24, 2010 at 8:29pm — No Comments
Saturday November 13, 2010
I miss you. I think you and I must get reacquainted this week during my “mental health” vacation. It has been an awful week and I need you more than ever. I need the protection of your fleeciness. I need for you to expand with me as I gorge myself on too many baked goods. I need you to mask any potential body odor in case I choose not to shower.
Most of all, I need you to…Continue
Added by Kimberly on November 22, 2010 at 6:51pm — No Comments
I used my son’s butt paste.
Have you ever gotten struck down with a virus so fierce that when you make your 20th trip to the bathroom, you’re faced with the conundrum of either shatting or puking or both…at the same time?
Yeah, it was just like that. On Wednesday, me and the toilet bonded. I caressed it with my ass cheeks. It held me when I cried. It cooled my forehead when I rested it on the seat. Shoot, I haven’t been this intimate with an…
Added by Kimberly on November 20, 2010 at 7:33pm — No Comments
My “I don’t want to do diddly shat” day was rudely interrupted when I got a phone call from the very bubbly radiologist. I could tell that she loved her job because there is not enough coffee in this entire world to make a person so full of perky life at 8am. Either that or she was really good at bullshitting in which case I need to take some notes for when I return to work on Monday. I can’t imagine that working with a person who poots glitter and smiles all day is easy to work with. Poot?…Continue
Added by Kimberly on November 17, 2010 at 10:30am — No Comments
I have had needles stabbed in my spine. I have had abdominal surgery to remove a cyst that was the size of a large orange. I have had a metal prosthesis implanted in my spine. I have given birth, but none of these. NONE of these generate the intense fear that I get when I have to go to the dentist.
First of all, you get there and they make you sit in their very luxurious waiting room to soak in the soothing ambiance they create for you. It kind of makes you…
Added by Kimberly on November 14, 2010 at 9:38am — No Comments
When I punched out early, I may or may not have smiled and danced a little ”so long motha fack-aaaaas” shimmy in the direction of the other nurses. They all bowed their heads into giant bowl full of jealousy as I pranced on by the angry mob of parents and their children lined outside the ER doors waiting to be seen.
Even though I had to attend my scheduled MRI, X-rays and painful EMG, I was happy to be leaving that
shit hole glorious place of healing. It was only…
Added by Kimberly on November 11, 2010 at 11:06am — No Comments
We were down to the final day before our annual Halloween party and were sucked dry of inspiration. Husband kept coming up with stupid costume ideas that would require me to look like a total hooker and I wasn't in a whoreish mood. I was also riding on the Tampax express train and knew that stuffing my bloat in a teensie weensie costume would be extremely damaging to my self esteem and every one's eyeballs.
Opting out of a skimpy costume was a total selfless act on my part. Society,…
Added by Kimberly on November 4, 2010 at 2:39pm — No Comments
I was so excited when I found out about the Edmonton based shop called Peacock and Lime when it was featured on the website Follow Me I’m Canadian. Look at the following picture and you’ll see why.
I wanted one. Scratch that. I NEEDED one…of everything.
Kristina is the fabulous jewelry maker behind these one of a kind pieces. Each one is made from beautiful handmade lampwork glass beads and sterling silver which Kristina creates herself.…Continue
Added by Kimberly on November 3, 2010 at 6:00pm — No Comments