Sometimes, I fall to the couch exhausted after finally getting both kids to sleep and I wonder...

Does anyone else’s toddler:

Insist on staying in the bath until every last drop of water has gone down the drain, and sometimes even after??  Seriously, you’re shivering and your lips are blue; what fun could you possibly be having?  I have no idea what appeal a cold, hard, damp, bathtub could hold over the, warm, fluffy towel I am lovingly offering you.  Yet, there you lie,…

My Dearest Lady,

I have sat down to write this letter so many times, and nothing…

Lady seems to be turning out to be EXACTLY like her big brother. 

Honestly, I’m a little pissed at her.  I feel like she duped me, like I was lulled into a false sense of security by a lovable, angelic baby.  Lady—my sweet girl—is beginning to feel the strong pull of the dark side.   

Up until recently, she was happy to just sit and look around the room and enjoy whatever toy we placed in front of her.  I felt relieved. With Man, all of our safety gates were firmly in place by…

My Dearest Man,

Today is the last day you will be my only child. Tomorrow you will be a big brother. I want you to know that I will always cherish the special time we had alone together as mother and son.  You will not remember this time, but I’ll never forget it.  You have taught me so much about being a mom and I thank you for that. Maybe one day Lady will thank you too…but don’t hold your breath. 

You have taught me patience.  I am the MOST impatient person I know, but…

Pregnancy, I’m over you.

It’s no secret that pregnancy is challenging, but I had no idea just how truly difficult it could be.  I had it pretty easy with Man.  Even with Gestational Diabetes- which, yes, was difficult- I never got really big or uncomfortable; I was able to sleep, and after week 12 I had plenty of energy.  I even felt kind of sexy with my little belly and big boobs.  This time, it’s different!!!

Pregnancy sucks, and this is why:

I worked really hard to…

A ManVsMommy challenge for a chace to win $25 to diapers.com: My husband and I recently noticed that the song on our Exersaucer turned activity table basically goes off every time someone walks near it. We were wondering how many times we heard this song in a week. I am planning on tallying how many times this song plays in one week from 1/4/12-1/11/12. Anyone care to venture a guess?? A few things that may help: 1) Ry does play with the toy himself at least once or twice a day. 2) It is…

Believe it or not, I am disappointed that I can’t get Man to watch television.

I thought I would be one of those mothers who shunned TV, who—as recommended—would not let her child watch until the age of two.  I spent years studying to be a Speech Language Pathologist and one thing was continually emblazoned into my brain: language development came from reading books, interactive one-on-one and group play, and doing puzzles and other hands-on activities. It did NOT come from…

Yes, I’m Jewish and I took Man to sit on Santa’s lap. You may gasp in horror now.

Most non-Jews will not find this horrifying at all.  In fact, all of my non-Jewish friends said pretty much the same thing: “What’s the big deal?”  But to a Jew it actually is a pretty big deal.  As a whole, our holidays are much overlooked.  You never see commercials for Target six weeks in advance advertising deals on Hanukah gifts.   At the supermarket Easter candy and chocolate flow like…

My husband recently told me that talking to me was like having a conversation with a dial-up modem from 1994; I just take forever to load.  And he’s right—I have NO brain right now.  I have bad case of Double Baby Brain, which is Pregnancy Brain mixed with plain old Tired Mommy Brain.  I take about two minutes to get a simple sentence out, and even once it’s on my lips it’s missing some key elements, like nouns and verbs.  It’s terrible!!  I know what I want to say—the words are all there in…

I have heard that each pregnancy is different.  So far the major difference in this pregnancy (besides the overwhelming morning sickness) is my appetite. 

I can remember thinking while pregnant with Man, "This isn't so bad, I'm not eating too much!".   This time around all I can think about day and night is food, food, and more food.  The hunger is unparalleled.  I wake up in the morning and the first thing I have to do is eat.  I wake up in the middle of the night and I must…

“We didn’t have that when you were a baby and you turned out just fine!” 

This is a sentiment consistently uttered from the lips of all of Man’s grandparents.  I often think, yes, I’m fine, but could I have been better??  Could I have been a neurosurgeon or a rocket scientist if my mom had had access to some of these fancy new products???

There is an endless list of products and gadgets that did not exist when we were babies. Go back one more…

Around Fathers Day, Man decided to give his daddy the best possible gift. He’d been babbling for months, but for the first time ever he looked into his father’s face and, with complete recognition, said, “Dada.” From that day forward every time my husband would walk through the door Man would call to his "Dada" while screaming with excitement.

Soon afterwards he also began to call our dog, Dixie, by name – it actually sounds a lot more like "Disi" – but it was definitely her…

All right, moms. I know this isn’t going to make me the most popular Dad around, but somebody’s got to lay some knowledge on you. Stupidly, my wife left this job to me.

 Your husbands are all just like Rodney Daingerfield. We don’t get no respect. Stop getting angry….let me explain.

To the stay-at-home moms who may read this, my dear, beautiful wife included, we get it. We spend the weekends with our babies, and so we recognize that the job you have is…

There are things we do and situations we accept as mommies (and daddies too) that are just so downright unfair sometimes, but we embrace them because we want to be moms… we HAVE to be moms.  I polled all of the mothers I know and asked them what they embraced despite feeling unjust. 

Here is the top 20:

1. The muffin top, no matter how hard I work it never seems to totally disappear.

(Incidentally, this showed up in about 90%…

I can’t help but think that the term “baby proofing” is really just a fallacy. What it should really be called is, “Your Kid’s Not All That Safe, But Thanks For Trying.”

Our house is a ticking time bomb of danger for Man.  He seems to find everything about the house thrilling and exciting, while I have come to find it scary and foreboding.  At the beginning of his 6^th month I took the “experts’” advice, something I often hesitate to do, and crawled around…

The color of my toenail polish has become of utmost importance. It started when I was pregnant. 

At 29 weeks I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.  Luckily, it was controlled by diet.  Tragically, it was controlled by diet. 

When you are housing a fetus your body is not your own. You become limited in so many ways; when it’s your first child it can be especially confusing and life altering.  I can see why many women gain so much weight: what else are we…

Why didn’t someone tell me to buy the absolute cheapest changing table possible??  The table itself became obsolete at about month six; actually it was used more as a storage unit, a very large, ugly, obvious, storage unit.

Once Man started to roll over, changing him on the table became a circus act.  Initially, we were able to hold him down using one arm and do the change with the other.  I know; why didn’t we use that strap that came with the table to just, well, strap him…

“Feh (interj.): Indicates disapproval or displeasure: Feh, don't touch that dirty thing.”

This Yiddish word was emblazoned into my brain at a very early age; my mother said it constantly so my brother and I would not put random non-food items into our mouths.  She even claims that it was my brother’s first word… she must have said it a lot!! 

As you can see by the definition, it is the perfect, most concise way to say, “Don’t even think of…