I don't know if it is sadder that I am so excited to tell this story or
that the title is actually, "Poop." Either way, we have had a
poop-alicious day and I can't wait to share it with any and everyone we
see or talk to today! Here it is....
This morning, the kids were dressed up in their old karate uniforms and
pretending to be ninjas. When they decided to take a break, I noticed
my toddler standing very quietly at the table behind the couch. I asked
what he was doing, and he said with a little grunt in his voice,
"Nudding, Mommy."
"Are you pooping?"
"Noooo (exhaling heavily)....."
"Do you want to go potty on your big boy toilet?"
"I no go potty on da toiloit."
I quickly began my incredible skills of bribery and said we could call
his Nana, his Papa, his aunties, his uncles..... He wasn't buying any
of it. I had to think fast because he was going to drop that deuce
before I got him convinced to do it on the toilet rather than in his
pants. His face was getting red and he was beginning to shake, sure
fire signs that the end of this process was near.
"Do you wanna call Buzz Lightyear?"
This seemed to hit a nerve. He nodded, quit shaking and let me lead him
to the bathroom. My mind began going through who we could call that
was available and willing to pretend to be Buzz Lightyear so my plan
wasn't foiled. Hubby is out of town, all uncles were either out of town
or at soccer game or baseball practice or not answering their phones.
My father-in-law is out of town with Hubby. Fianlly, I decided to call
my dad. I know it may seem odd that my dad would rank so far down the
list in this situation, but this isn't really his thing. He has a
wonderful relationship with his grandkids, but being able to pretend to
be Buzz Lightyear over the phone isn't really his shtick. But I had no
other options! Sitting in the bathroom with my munchkin who was now
refusing to poop, I called my dad. He answered and I said, "Is this the
office of Buzz Lightyear?"
When my toddler heard me say that, he looked up in shock and awe. He
couldn't believe I might be talking to THE Buzz Lightyear. My dad
laughed and agreed to play along but insisted that he would not try to
sound like anyone other than himself. I just prayed that my kiddo
wouldn't recognize his voice. I told my dad (or rather, Buzz's
secretary) that we would be calling back as soon as the deed was done
and this seemed to be enough for my toddler. Soon after, he did his
business and was very excited to show his accomplishment off to his
siblings. High fives and fist bumps all around, then it was time to
clean up, put a new diaper on, and call our big hero.
Honestly, I must say, I was a little concerned that my dad might not
answer, just knowing what I was asking him to do. Thankfully, he didn't
let us down. Again, I said, "Is this the office of Buzz Lightyear?"
Dad laughed one of those laughs that said it all...."You're crazy. This
isn't gonna work." I was not going to be deterred.
"I have a Mr. Toddler who would like to speak with Mr. Buzz Lightyear. He has some news to share."
I passed the phone to my toddler, who suddenly became shy. He smiled
and giggled a little as my dad began to speak. As the conversation
continued, my son began telling Buzz all about his experience with
pooping on the "toiloit" and my dad listened, albeit not too overly
excited.
As soon as the conversation was over, I took the phone back, thanked my
dad, then noticed I'd missed a call. It was from our Uncle Bubba. Now
this guy rocks at being whoever we need on the phone. He has been known
to be Optimus Prime, Handy Manny......even Santa Claus. I stepped
outside, called him back and let him know that he was on-call. Uncle
Bubba is so fabulous because he was ready and willing and is currently,
as we speak, standing by for the next time my kid decides to do his
business on the "toiloit." I'm sure my dad will be happy to be relieved
of his duties.

In the meantime, I'm gonna keep talking about Buzz with my son in the
hopes that he decides to try the toilet again. Wish us luck!!