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I love The Beatles. I grew up listening to them with my parents. I adored the music as a child, and as an adult I still love it. But, I do have a problem with a certain song....
Call me cynical, pessimistic, or whatever you want, but all I need is not love. All I really need would be a bottomless bank account. Screw the love crap. That's what I have family, friends, and pets for. Love is overly complicated and unnecessarily aggravating. Love does not pay the mortgage. Love does not put gas in my car. Love does not provide me with coffee in the morning. Love does not filly my closet with shoes. Do you know what does? Money.
Before you hopeless romantics (why on Earth would hopeless romantics be reading my blog?!) start telling me that money can't buy you happiness... Let me enlighten you. It can. Seriously. Money can buy you happiness; long lasting, wonderful happiness. Want proof?
You see those shoes? Those are a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes. They're horribly expensive. But they are worth every last penny. Do you know why? Because every time I see them, they make me happy. Every time I put them on, my happiness explodes into bubbly ecstasy. Love didn't cause this happiness. Money did.
Still not convinced?
That key I'm holding there? That's my house key. I'm a homeowner. I wake up in the morning and look at my bright red bedroom walls and smile, because I did that. I come home at night and smile, because I'm coming home to my house. Every day I smile because I bought a freaking house. I'm an only parent, we're a single-income family, and I managed to buy a house in a nice neighborhood. You know what did that? Money. Money bought me that happiness.
Need more proof? Then look at any parent, child, friend, or relative on their birthday. That happy spark in their eyes might be from the fact that they survived another year above ground, but it's more likely that their idiotic grin stems from the gifts they just received. How did those gifts make it into their hands? Say it with me, money.
Tell me that's not the face of pure joy and happiness.
Okay, so how about some other ways that money brings happiness. How about the lack of stress? What? Money equals no stress? This woman has lost her mind! When you are drowning in bills, when you have to make the choice between groceries and heating fuel, when you have to avoid the toy aisle like it's ground zero of a plague epidemic, when shit like that happens you understand what stress is. When you're stressed you aren't happy. Tell me truthfully, how many of you would be happy to be drowning in debt with creditors pounding down your door? Freaking masochists. Stress breeds unhappiness. Money reduces stress. Therefore, money breeds happiness.
But you know what? If you still disagree with me, if you still think that money is not the solution and Lennon and McCartney were right, then I have a solution. Send me all of your money. I mean every single last penny, then you can prove to me that love really is all you need.