Listening is a whole other issue........I don't always listen very well at all.  I'm too busy running my own life and thinking I know what's best that I don't actually take time to listen to the other person and especially listen to God.  He's there.  He's giving me guidance.  Actually, maybe I have been listening too much and the words I hear are too much to bear so I choose to close my ears and don't want to hear.  I believe that has been my problem for the last few years......

I struggled with personal happiness for the last few years.  I love my children and my family.  I knew what was right and what was wrong.  I lived life choosing "right"; however, I didn't let myself live life to the fullest.  I limited myself and would only live my life as a MOM.  Now being a MOM has to be one of God's greatest gifts he can give, or at least the greatest gift He gave me.  The only problem I had was that I quit being "me" along the way.  God never intended for that to occur.  I tried to be everything for everyone else and do what was right for everyone else and I never took time for what I wanted out of life at all.

So I drifted to the back of the list of important to the point that I wasn't important at all.  I treated myself as such. About a year and half ago, I re-claimed "ME".  It was slow but I am a new "ME" and I am now a much better mom and a much better wife and a much better friend.  I wasn't a friend really to anyone as I feared letting anyone in.  I truly only let my children into my world.  I didn't even let my husband in my world as I had been hurt and I wasn't going there any more.  

I protected myself.....I built a moat around myself and my children lived with them.  I interacted and had friends but all at a distance.  I had fun, but not in the true sense that God intended for me.  I went to church but it hurt to go to church.  I didn't enjoy church.  I sat in church at times and cried.  I tried to disguise it and wore my glasses but it was not a sense of worship.  It was painful and not enjoyable.  I knew Jesus was walking with me through life and acknowledged in my prayer life that He was probably carrying me through life during most of this time.  I knew I needed Him.  I prayed and tried to rely on Him but I still felt pain and unhappiness.  

It took time but I finally released my life to Him more and more.  I finally today realize that all those Sundays that I sat in church in pain, the Holy Spirit faithfully worked on me.  It might have been a sermon or a scripture or just a song that day.  However, the Holy Spirit continually worked on my heart.  God does speak to each and every one of us.  We just have to listen.  He spoke to me even when I thought I wasn't happy with my church or just wasn't "ME".  He knew all of those tears were part of my journey to get closer to Him.  

Jesus is always there for you.  I knew it back then even on those difficult Sundays.  My head knew it even though it was so difficult.  Don't ever give up on Jesus.  We don't know His Plan.  He give us ups and downs so that we can learn to be faithful and obedient to Him.  Once we learn, He will reveal His next step in His plan....not our plan, but HIS plan.  So sometimes we have to endure pain in our human lives but we have to trust in Jesus and he will love us through every difficult time, no matter how difficult it may be.

Don't fear for I am with you; Don't be afraid, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you.  I will surely help you.  I will hold you with my righteous strong hand.  Isaiah 41:10

photo obtained from http://valerie-thebishopswife.blogspot.com/2011/09/listening-sheets...