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from Life After Lactation
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." Matthew 5:9
Like most people, I've spent much of my life believing that I'm basically a good person, doing the best I can. However, nothing has ever exposed my flaws more quickly and thoroughly than becoming a mother.
The flaw that looms largest over me each day is my selfishness. Now, I've never been blind enough to believe myself to be completely altruistic, but I'm more selfish than I ever could have imagined in my childless years.
I probably have my most selfish thoughts when David is at home enjoying one of his own hobbies. When he's practicing his bass or spending an hour playing a video game, I become shamefully jealous of his indulgence in baby-free pursuits. I want to read a book without rhyming text and touch-and-feel illustrations. I want to spend time at my desk without needing to get up in the middle of every sentence I type to stop Eben from waking David, eating non-food items, breaking things, and putting himself into dangerous situations. I want to watch a television show, sit alone at the library or a coffee shop, or test my rusty piano skills without a little gremlin underfoot hell-bent on destroying the keyboard.
While penning this into my journal, I quickly became aware of how whiny it sounds, especially since I have been so incredibly blessed with a healthy family that I dearly love. It makes me think of that tried and true taunt for those with a list of complaints: "Would you like some cheese to go with that w(h)ine?"
I have been too focused on negative aspects of my life, even going so far as to view things that are actually positive through a filter of negativity. I have placed being treated fairly above keeping the peace in my home.
This is my attempt to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Cor. 10:5). To stay focused on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable" (Philippians 4:8), instead of whatever is crap.
I need some cheese to go with my whine--reminders of how blessed I am rather than how irritated and overworked I feel. Here is the cheese for my David whine:
He is seeking God in our family decisions.
He works incredibly hard on the night shift and still comes home with hugs, smiles, and help if I need it.
He will lose sleep for the sake of spending time with his wife and son. He very rarely complains about being tired.
He seems to keep a working list in his head of little things that I enjoy. When we can spare the funds he will purchase these things (glass bottled Dr. Pepper, wasabi peas, Sharpie markers & pens, etc.) just to see me smile and hear me laugh with delight.
He's an excellent cook and does so whenever he has the time.
He adores Eben and me and allows outward affection to flow freely from his love for us.
I am excited that God showed me my need to begin living more thankfully. I'm praying that, if Jesus can turn water into wine, he will use this process to turn my whine into wine.