When I punched out early, I may or may not have smiled and danced a little ”so long motha fack-aaaaas” shimmy in the direction of the other nurses. They all bowed their heads into giant bowl full of jealousy as I pranced on by the angry mob of parents and their children lined outside the ER doors waiting to be seen.

Even though I had to attend my scheduled MRI, X-rays and painful EMG, I was happy to be leaving that shit hole glorious place of healing. It was only Tuesday and the face punch of angry emails from my lazy managers wondering if I could help wipe their assess was getting on my nerves. Well that and the new batch of nursing students who are forever facking with my computer even though I repeatedly threatened told them that they would get herpes from my keyboard. They kept asking me stupid questions like “Are you a real nurse?” and ”Oh you are a real nurse! Well then what part of the thermometer do we stick into the rectum?”

“Fuck off” I replied using my best nursing knowledge.

So there I was, all smiley and giddy like, skipping with a gimp on my way to my car. I hear my phone chime. I began reaching through the plethora of very important scraps of papers with odd numbers and lists scribbled across them that may or may not be of any relevance in my life but I keep them there just in case, oh and the animal cracker crumbs, and the dinky cars, pepper spray cause you can never be too safe working in Detroit, an ativan bottle, possibly a shoe, Ooohh look! It’s a Tootsie pop!

Nom, nom, nom…why the fuck did I go in my purse again?

Oh the phone. So I get to my car, mouth full of tootsie pop and listen to the following message:

“Hi Mrs. M, your MRI appointment at 2pm was cancelled. Your employer’s insurance company has denied this test.”

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop you ask?

When you’re angry it takes facking one.

You can read more of this post at All Work And No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something