Does Karma really exist and if so what does that say about my life?  Have you ever read one of my posts and wondered “What did Tiffani do in the past to deserve all this crap? Does she have bad karma or what?“  I know you have thought this at least once, I know I have.   I don’t usually dwell on my life and how difficult it can be, but this week I have been thinking to myself “Do I have bad Karma or what?  Was I a bad person at some point in my life?  Why is everything so hard?  Is there some point to this?”

Tiara napping when she was supposed to be working with her teacher.  Too tired for school today!

I have pondered this question relentlessly and the only thing I can come up with is that I was a tease before I met Lou.  I mean isn’t that standard behavior for any teenage girl?  I was in the habit of leading on numerous boys with no intentions of ever dating them or doing anything with them.  I just liked them to like me, is that so wrong?  That’s all I can come up with!  Clearly that can’t be the reason for my present life, or can it?

Lou laughed his head off when I read him this post.  “Yes darling, you and your flirting are to blame for our present life.”

I really believe that if you do good, you will receive good back but sometimes I have to wonder whether this is entirely true.  Even if karma doesn’t exist, God does exist in my world.  I don’t go around saying “God Bless you” to everyone I meet or pray on every decision I have to make throughout the day but I believe he watches out for me and my family.  I also know that someday I will need to answer to him when I want entry into heaven so I try and live my life as if it was my last day on earth.

That doesn’t mean I am wild and have lots of fun or try new things like jumping out of planes.   Just the opposite.  I do things for others, mostly my family and hope that is what God wants from me.  I try to live by the commandments and see the best in people.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have the thought ” if I died today, how would I be remembered?”  My goal is that family and friends would remember me as a kind, thoughtful, loving, giving and a dedicated mother, daughter, sister, and wife.  

I am far from perfect.  I swear, yell, scream, am overly dramatic and super opinionated but I am always trying to do the “right thing.”  Whatever that may be.

So today, I spent the whole day working on this thing with Aetna.  I didn’t feel well, Tiara seemed to have less energy than yesterday and I was worried she was relapsing. 

Fortunately a few angels from the past appeared via Facebook and email and offered to help me in my fight against Aetna.  One person in particular really put forth some effort and I think his help really may make a difference.  I contacted the Los Angeles Times, but haven’t heard back from them and am ready to keep fighting even though I feel drained and tired.  I won’t give up!

xoxo tiffani