A few years ago, Hubby and I noticed that our middle son had some
ongoing issues. At first, it was humorous to find him wandering through
the house, shutting some doors, keeping others open; some light
switches left on, while others were turned off. He eventually grew out
of that phase and Hubby and I moved on. Then, when he started preschool
in preparation for kindergarten, we started noticing some social
issues. These issues didn't necessarily go away and Hubby and I began
to worry.
We
spoke to our family physician who recommended we wait to see what
happens. He tried to offer some comfort by saying that our boy was
still very young and may just need to learn how to adjust to a classroom
setting. So, we waited.
Kindergarten came along and we watched with baited breath as our boy
journeyed into the unknown. We hoped that his social issues from the
year before were behind him and that he'd be able to show everyone what
an exceptional child he is. And he did. He and his best friend were
the top two readers in the class and he was very proud of his
accomplishments. When the time came for our first parent-teacher
conference, I was so sure she would tell us that all was well and that
our son was excelling. Hubby and I walked in, sent our boy to the
reading circle, then sat down in those tiny chairs across the desk from
the teacher.
She started out telling us all that our boy had learned about so far and
that he was always very good at keeping her on schedule and reminding
her of whatever exciting project they were supposed to be preparing
for. Then she leaned in and began speaking a bit quieter, in the hopes
that our son couldn't hear. She told us that she had concerns about his
impulsive nature and his nervous ticks, as well as his frustrations
towards others when they didn't go along with what he wanted. We
brought up ADD and asked if she thought that was a possibility, knowing
that our boy had boundless energy and was never quite able to exhaust it
before bedtime. She suggested that it might be one of those cases
where the child is so brilliant, but more cerebral and, therefore, a
little socially awkward until they get a little older. We sat there,
exchanging in this hushed conversation, for what felt like forever. She
was very kind to extend our conference as she was concerned for our son
too and it showed.
Again, we brought it up with our doctor. And again, he said to wait.
He thought, if anything, it ways probably that our boy was exceptionally
busy and that he'd grow out of it. Given his ability to communicate,
play with friends, interact, read, write, do math, make eye contact,
etc...nobody thought it could be anything like Autism. Our boy was just
too normal. To be on the safe side, our doctor got us in
contact with the children's hospital in our area, where they screen
children for any and all learning and development disorders. I was even
given a form to have my son's new teacher to fill out for this school
year (first grade). On the first day of school, I briefly told our new
teacher about this and was reminded of it again this week at our
parent-teacher conference.
On Monday, I met with my boy's teacher and she confirmed that there were
still issues occurring. For example, he is in the same classroom as
his best friend for the third year in a row. However, they had to be
separated a couple of weeks ago. The friend's mom and I both just
assumed it was because they kept talking to each other. At our meeting,
I learned that it was because my son would compare his work with his
friend's, decide that his friend's work was better than his own, then
fall into a depressed state. The teacher couldn't keep taking time out
everyday to try to bring my son out of his self-destruction, so she
moved him to a different group of desks. She said he is so easily
distracted, she actually removed a lot of the art around the room, just
to sterilize it a bit in the hopes that it would be easier for my son to
focus. She said he gets very easily upset, both with himself and
others and doesn't have the ability to rationalize or be okay with
changes. While she continued to speak, I realized I was nodding my
head, but no longer hearing a word she was saying. I walked out of
there feeling like I'd been hit in the chest with a sledge hammer. This
was my child, my perfect little boy and she was telling me there was
something wrong with him.
I went home and told Hubby about it. We've gone back and forth on
whether or not we wanted to follow through with the screening. Our
concern is that we don't want him to have a negative label in his school
records forever more. How would that affect him in the future? Would
it hinder any possible choices for him later in life, when deciding what
to do after graduation? Could we just not go through with the
screening since it hasn't affected him academically and he does have
friends? Maybe we could just do some research on how to help him learn
how to make better decisions or be less critical...... Maybe, maybe,
maybe.....
These are the moments I do not enjoy my job. I worry about my kids
anyway, and now we may have something more serious than a scraped knee
or hurt feelings from a friend at school. So, I bring it to you. What
would you do? Do you have a child with a learning issue that makes life
a little more challenging? How do you cope? How do you explain it to
your child? How do you get your child the best help and/or stay on the
school to do their part? How do you move forward to creating and living
your new "normal"? I look forward to hearing what you have to say.....

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