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I hope I’m not too late, but I wanted to share some last minute Food and Fashion do’s and don’ts for Thanksgiving. Perhaps you don’t need to hear any of these yourself, but you may be able to pass these tips on to someone less fortunate.
If you are on a diet during Thanksgiving:
1. Don’t announce to everyone that you’re on a diet. And, for the love of cheesecake, please don’t brag about how many pounds you’ve lost!
2. Do not tell me how many calories there are in what I’m eating.
3. Don’t bring a lowfat version of anything to the meal. Lowfat is just nasty. People need to quit lying that it’s “just as good”.
4. Go ahead and eat just one crescent roll or something ‘off your diet’. Be a team player (eater) – just today. It won’t kill you.
What to wear (or not) to the Thanksgiving get-together:
1. This goes back to the diet thing. If your ass is skinny and you look really good in your little workout outfit, don’t wear it today while the rest of us are in elastic. Oh, and no cleavage either. I already feel inadequate.
2. On the other hand, don’t show up in one of those stretchy, comfortable velour jogging sets either. Those are just bad – any day.
3. Wear makeup and fix your hair. I know it’s a holiday and you want to just let it all hang out, but it scares us to see you au natural. We haven’t seen you in a year, and we worry you’re hiding a serious illness if you look too bad.
4. One more fashion no-no: Do not wear anything with the holiday theme. You know what I’m talking about --- appliqued turkeys on a sweater, or “Happy Thanksgiving” written in glitter glue. Those are right up there with “Grandma” t-shirts. A holiday does not give you permission to look tacky. And don't refer to "Thanksgiving" as "Turkey Day" - next you'll be calling your husband "hubby". Stop it.
And, lastly --- on an unrelated yet important note: If your kids are sick --- stay home this year. The rest of us have to go to work tomorrow.
(You know I still love ya --- Happy Thanksgiving!)