Just moments ago, I sent off my 500th resume in just over a year, and at this time I can't help but reflect back on the potential jobs and disaster interviews that have shaped my last year.

Of these 500 resumes, I have been invited to an interview seven times. Of those seven, I have been offered a position three and half times. There is still some confusion over that half offer, because even though I felt strongly about having "nailed" that interview, two days later I received a voicemail for "Laura" happily offering her the position. Then that Friday, another voicemail asking for me, correct name and all, to get back to them regarding the position. And then there was the high end retail job near Union Square. The manager asked me where I saw myself in five years, and I replied "Surrounded by beautiful things." I was offered the job that day. But the shift was from 9:45am-7pm, five days a week. Calculating in the 45 minute commute and necessary day care expenses, the $7 an hour just wasn't going to get me where I needed to be financially. There was the interview at a sweet bakery that reminded of a Polly Pocket I used to play with as a young girl, but the manager was less than enthusiastic about me and even commented that she didn't believe I had enough personality for the position. Just last week there was the startup company that asked me, "Don't you think you're over qualified for this position?" Perhaps, but the $8 an hour for twenty hours a week work is more than the $0 an hour I would have been making during those same twenty hours, so I the thought of being 'over-qualified' was no concern to me.

The thing is, I have written so many personalized cover letters and reviewed my resume so many times that I've become more aware of my responsibilities at previous jobs than I even realized while I worked there. After 500 applications and e-mails, I've been able to increase my wpm and kph speeds to a speed that is searchable on its own. But unfortunately, typing quickly (and forgive me for tooting my own horn, but accurately) are apparently not sufficient enough skills for getting hired.

I've ordered my own background check. I've cleared most of my cyber identity. I practiced words like "receptive" and "industrious." I bought a great interview outfit complete with heels (!!) and visualized and role played possible interview scenarios. I've listed pros and cons and mapped out five year plans tracing the possible paths should I get hired.

But it was today, as I clicked "Send" and watched my 500th resume disappear into the unknown that I stopped to think, "What the eff am I doing?" This isn't me. Heels? Really?

So employers in the New York City area, I concede. This isn't working out for either of us. To be quite honest with you, I just want to spend my days wandering the streets of this city, of any city, really. And I want to write about how amazing it is to live here. And I want to write about how amazing it is to be a mom. And as long as you coop me up in some office, away from my wanderings and, more importantly, from my family, I will begin to resent you. And then it will just get awkward. So if you see a resume cross your desk with my name on it, I give you my permission to go ahead and shred it.

Anyway, I hear Laura would be a great employee.