I was awake well after midnight, and my love brought in flowers (super brightly colored, which I love), and Bliss Chocolates (my middle name and tasted amazing). Erik got me a webcam so I can Skype with him when he moves to California, and a book of French recipes he helped create in his French class, and a really sweet card.

Nathaniel made me a picture frame of sorts.. clay painted and fired, with his picture on one side and "I love my mom because she helps me color" on the other side. Two handmade cards...

I don't have primary custody, and though I know the decision was made with the best intentions and results I could ask for, I don't know that I deserve anything for Mother's Day. Societal standards still dictate that no matter what, moms should have custody of their children at all costs. Do I get punished because I know I would make a horrible single mother?

The short answer is yes. The stigma is staggering. The discrimination and disbelief is staggering.. within my own family and my friends I get looked at like I'm an alien.

Do my boys resent me? No. Not even the (now) 15 year old (Erik). It's what they know and it's ok with them.

Though I don't want to admit it very often, I play the role of the "fun" parent and I do enjoy it. Like today, I bought Erik his birthday present (Skyrim). I wasn't sure what game he was coveting, so I took him with me and that's what he picked after some resistance. He didn't want me to burden myself financially. I called him out on it, told him I knew what my budget was, and he finally got what he actually wanted instead of some off brand 14 dollar game.

Nathaniel, the 5, soon to be 6 year old, asked me if he could have the Nintendo DS Lego Batman game he'd lost. Initially I told him no... but after some thought, I said fine. He decided he wanted Lego Indiana Jones instead and I was good with that. I bought it along with Erik's Skyrim.

When Erik was little I'd do these things and his father eventually said it wasn't fair because I became the Fun Parent. So I cut back. Now, Nathaniel is the one that gets the bulk of the fun parent part.

I know it's not fair... but take your mommy guilt and multiply it by 1,000,000 and that's what you have with me.

Anywho, I digress...

Do I deserve a Mother's Day celebration? Yes.

Why? Because I gave both of my boys the best life they could have, without being selfish. I made that sacrifice and we're all ok.

I think.

I want to believe I deserve it. I hope I do. I love them infinitely and I wouldn't have made these sacrifices if it wasn't true, no matter what friends, family, and anyone else believes.

http://blissjunction.blogspot.com/2012/05/obligatory-mothers-day-po...