I ran into some interesting drama with my children's father's wife this last week. Got to love "baby mama drama" fun! This is one of the reasons why I stress so much to young students that I work with at the youth group that sex before marriage is only a disaster waiting to happen. There is a reason why God intended sex to be confined to the marriage of two people only. And not just that... it is a good idea to have a biblical based marriage as well.
I have read books about purity, for one, because I have three children and they will be teenagers at some point in their lives, no matter how hard I pray that they either never grow up or just skip the teenage years. But also because I work with teen moms and with our youth group at our church. One book in particular is called "Teaching True Love to a Sex-at-13 Generation" written by Eric and Leslie Ludy. This is the book written for the adults in teenagers lives. I believe that this book is the key to success when teaching our kids about purity. It isn't your typical purity spiel where they go over every STD and the fact that you could get pregnant and try to scare the teenager into purity. Not that these facts are not important because by all means they certainly are, but I will argue the point that these facts seem to be all that are stressed when it comes to purity.
This book brings another point of view to the surface. It speaks of purity of our hearts, minds, bodies, and spirituality. Usually you only hear of the physical purity aspect of it and people don't think about our hearts, minds, and spirit as a treasure for our future spouse.
When I read this book I started to take notes but I am not a note taker so I stopped after the first chapter. I want to share with you some of the notes that I took.
*Young people today are pouring themselves physically and emotionally into intense relationships that last only a few days, weeks, or months, but leave scars that last a lifetime. (pg. 83)
*Emotional and physical passion controls the relationship not the Author of true love. Colossians 2:20-23 " Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence."
*Proverbs 31:12 "She brings him good, not harm, ALL the days of her life" (emphasis on my behalf)
*This book speaks of writing letters, poems, or songs to your future spouse and giving them as a gift on your wedding night.
*Did you know that a recent study found that Christians actually have a higher rate of divorce than nonbelievers? (Pg. 77) How crazy is that! Here is why: When two Christian people get married they generally assume that the other will be faithful, because they are a Christian. When we say "I do" it is assumed that the other will be faithful to us for the rest of their lives and our's. However, the fact of the matter is, faithfulness does not just come with marriage. Faithfulness is something that needs to be taught to us. It is our job as parents to teach our children what faithfulness is and what it looks like. Just because you are a Christian does not mean you know what faithfulness is.
These are just a few of the wonderful things that this book has to offer!
I am currently readying Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy and my husband is reading God's Gift To Women by Eric Ludy. I feel that this couple, Eric and Leslie Ludy, have a message that has been long forgotten about in our world. Something that disappeared with the horse and buggy and the long dresses and bonnets. Something that only we, as parents and leaders of the youth today, can restore. Purity isn't just about our physical virginity. Purity includes our entire body; emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Purity and faithfulness goes way beyond wearing purity ring and signing a commitment. These are great steps but what is signing a commitment and wearing a ring going to do if our youth does not even know what faithfulness is so they can keep their commitment?!
I had two children outside of wedlock. I was 19 when my first child, a boy, was born. I was 21 when my second child, a girl, was born. My daughter and her half sister are 6 months apart! Their father has an addiction to drugs and alcohol. He can't seem to stay in one place long enough to really call it a home. He comes and goes when it is convenient for him. He even disappeared for a year and 3 months, all the mean while, being seen around town at the local gas station. His actions scream loud and clear that his drugs, alcohol, and his other two children are far more important to him than the two children he has with me. I created a sad world for my children. And all because I wanted to be selfish! I was more concerned with what made me feel good at the time and gave NO thought to what my actions would do to my future or someone else's. I now have an amazing husband and my third child, a girl, is 11 months old. My children call him "daddy" because he is what a "daddy" is supposed to be. However, this does not change the heart ache that my two oldest children face and what they will face as they continue to grow and learn the truth.
I see teen moms and my heart aches for them. I hear what they are going through and I just cry inside for them. I sob for their children and what they will be put through. I go to youth group every week and I see my young ladies and I just pray that my story, my testimony, and my encouragement will persuade them to take a different path. If there is one thing that I want from this blog post is that whoever reads this will go and pick up a copy of "Teaching True Love To a Sex-at-13 Generation" and read it today.