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Oh no! I've broken my promise already..... No, not that one! I'm still sober as a judge (do you honestly believe Judges stay sober by the way? I don't). The one about updating my blog every day! Sorry dear friends, but I have been too busy "doing" rather than writing. And replying to messages of support and love from all corners of the world for which I am eternally grateful. As I have said to many whom have written to me, it's an "inside job with outside help" and I can't thank everyone enough for all their kind words. You are all great!
A lot has happened in a very short time.. Much more than I ever imagined and even more than I thought was possible in fact. My head finally feels like someone has put the roof back on and the Demon Drink that was oodling my brain is finally passing through my system and out through my sadly abused Liver (actually, to be precise it's 90% liver, 6% Urine and 4% sweat) and Urine where it belongs. It was as if my head was constantly being stirred by a T-spoon and never allowed to settle.
On day 2 I maybe took on more than I should have by driving 60 miles to a friend in need who had sadly fallen in a deep relapse after a considerable period of Sobriety. I sat there and watched him drink from 2pm to Midnight in various pubs in his local town and not a a drop of Alcohol touched my lips I am pleased to report. As if that was not enough, at 2am, as I was sober, he asked me to drive him 10 miles to score 3 rocks of crack and then I watched him get though $100 worth of said substance in about an hour.
I was not there to judge him, or shout at him or tell him not to do it. We all make our own choices. When I hit the bottle last July really hard (although in truth, my problems started long before) I fully blamed the woman that had led me to that path for months. But now I realize that even though she did everything in her power to de-rail me, she didn't force me into the nearest Pub. That was my choice, just as it had to my choice to finally kick it into touch.
I was there to support him and to quietly inspire him and to show him that if a no good piss-head like me could do it, on only day 2 of my Sobriety, then so could he. And besides, It was a challenge for me to be surrounded by booze and drugs so soon after my decision to clean up my act and I am pleased to say I passed with flying colours. I am also pleased to report that after his one final blow-out, it may seem to have worked, as since then he has been to a AA meeting and has been clean since the morning I left him (and I hope so much that he is telling me the truth - I think he is).
But it also helped me as much as him and I hope he gets that. It was also a real eye opener to note that as time went on, everyone around me seemed to be getting louder, more aggressive and generally acting like a bunch of baboons in a Zoo without even noticing it. I did...
So after a speedy drive back to my home next morning, I actually ran into town (ok, so it's only a 10 minute run but hey, what the heck) and went to my next "reduction" meeting that lasted for 2 hours. I somewhat tiredly announced that I had moved from the "Action" section of the group to the "Maintenance" group and was given yet another round of applause. I don't need the applause, or the plaudits, but you know, it's nice anyway and for those of you struggling with a similar condition, I am here to tell you that there is bags of support out there to help you through it. Just seek it out - it's there in every town in every country all over the world.
Another thought has entered my mind as it slowly clears that I would like to share with you all. I have realized that I have not only been an Alcohol Addict, but during various times in my life, just simply an "Addict". Whether it be Booze, or Drugs, or Dangerous Gold Digging Women, or Adventure, or Risk, I have realized that I have an "Addictive Personality" and have gone through most of my adult life replacing one for the other at some stage.
It's all the same thing - ADDICTION! And I have admitted my addiction and now I can slowly but surely release myself from it. And the thing that I have been shocked by the most is that apart from Day 1 when I was depressed and shaking and a whole host of other things, just how easy it has been.
In these 3 short days I can see a change in me that I never thought was possible, a drive and a will to succeed that I have not possessed since my teens that led me to the all the great things (even at times, under the influence, ) that I have done with my life. I thought that boy was long, gone - just a distant memory.
But no, he's still there, and now he is older, wiser (and somewhat better looking too now all his long hair been cut off, not to mention modest he he) and you know what, it's been so nice to see him again and be him again that that alone makes me high!