It’s Tuesday, so you know what I’m going to do?  I’m “Taking Back” blasé Tuesday by going for a lunchtime run. 

Please. 

I don’t want to come off as some kind of hero, a disciplined soldier who makes no exceptions, cuts no corners, dodges no workouts.  That, my friends, is not me.  Believe me, I’m looking for a quick back spasm right about now to put me on the bench for a day or two…or seven. 

The run is actually to prevent me from indulging in the activity I’d much indulge in to take Tuesday to a whole new level.  That activity, you wonder?  Well, it’s shoving an entire Dove candy bar in my mouth at one time, and letting it melt to nothingness through the recesses of my molars in sweet ecstasy. 

I’m sorry Dove bar.  It’s not about you, it’s me.  You’ve done nothing wrong.  The people at Dove have fashioned a taste sensation that simply mocks a chocolate bar by any other name.  If I could marry a candy bar?  Well, I might just have to leave my old standby Twix to devote myself more fully to you; you mean that much to me.  I love you enough to change the “D” to “L” and call you Love chocolate.  It may sound like a cheesy line from some sweaty, drunk frat boy in a sticky, college bar; but my words are true.

It’s just that, well, diabetes runs in my family, and I can assure you that it is a disease I’ve got no interest in tangling with.  As much as I love your smooth caress, your smell, your taste—I just have to let you go.  I love my sight and all of my appendages just a little bit more.  Just a little bit.

I have to put you in a special place in my candy-addicted heart and bring you out only under situations of extreme duress or hormonal fluctuation.  You see, Love…I mean Dove, “Taking Back Tuesday” is about a personal journey of productivity, a crusade to take care of me in some small way on most oft neglected day of the week.  And though you take me to a higher place, a sugar buzz, a caffeine rush; I will not allow you to destroy “Taking Back Tuesday” when your euphoric rush crashes and burns by 2:30. 

I’m running today, Dove chocolate bar…and praying for a quick spasm or two.