I made a giant mistake with my first child.  I bragged.  He was such a good baby and toddler.  I was so proud, not of him, but of my obvious good parenting.  I could leave scissors on the table and he wouldn’t touch them.  He didn’t hit , scream or throw fits.  He was potty trained at two.  He cleaned up after himself, not that he needed to, because he didn’t dump his toys or make messes.  He was easy and perfect.

When mothers would complain about their tantruming two year olds, I would say, “my child doesn’t do that”.  They would talk about sleepless nights or messy houses and I would say, “I can’t even imagine.”    The thing was, I couldn’t.  My kid was perfect, because I was the perfect mom, with incredible patience and the most amazing parenting skills, and I never even read one parenting book.

When my second son was born, I had a feeling things were going to be a little different.  First of all, he was a little difficult from the start, screaming non stop from the second I gave birth.  Also, when I was discharged from the hospital, my husband never showed.  I waited outside for him for forty five minutes before the nurses called looking for him, to which he told them, “I don’t think I’m ready for a second kid, I’m not ready to come yet.”

My first year and a half with this baby was crazy.  He screamed like a nut.  He didn’t sleep.  He was so constipated that he was taking adult doses of Miralax and still couldn’t go to the bathroom.  He didn’t walk until he was two.  Of course, there was nothing wrong with him, he just cost me thousands of dollars trying to figure out if he had some horrible genetic disease.

Once he started to walk, he started to poop, and his belly felt a lot better. I guess from all the pain he is now some “tough guy toddler” and he feels the need to prove himself to everyone.
I do not know how to handle him.  First of all he touches everything.  (No leaving scissors out anymore.)  When we go shopping he sticks his hands out as wide as he can on both sides of the cart and knocks everything down.  He shoplifts.  He’s that screaming kid in the cart you wish would leave the store.
He also likes to touch outlets, and lick phone jacks.  He can remove the childproof coverings from the outlets also, which worries me tremendously, especially because he likes to chew on them, so I never know if I will get electrocuted when I put them back.

Child Number 2 is also very fresh.  He “hates” everything.  I give him dinner and he tells me, “I HATE dinner.”  I give him chicken nuggets.  He says, “I HATE chicken nuggets.”  I give him rice.  He says “I HATE rice.”  I remove him from the table and he says, “You don’t feed me dinner, you a bad mommy.”  His strong dislike for things extends far beyond food.

At bath time this child says, “I HATE baths.  He also tries to jump out the entire time I wash him.  Its like he has some fear that his grouchiness will come off. While getting dressed he says, “I HATE underpants.”  And you better believe he “HATES” bedtime.
The worst thing this child does is pick on his older brother.  He knows how to push his buttons.  He pretends to be “scared” of television shows my five year old wants to watch so we have to change the channel.  He steals food of his brothers plate.  And he mimics everything the older one says until the five year old can’t take it any more and yells something rude and gets punished.

My two year old is beyond the “typical terrible“.  He can work my iphone and buys applications.  He sneaks popsicles and gum.  He makes up stories that his teachers steal his lunch at school, and I never know if I should believe him or not.

The most unbelievable thing about my child, is that he makes me lose all my patience.  He threw a sneaker at my head while I was driving, drew in my checkbook and threw six rolls of toilet paper in the toilet.  And this was just this morning!

I love my two year old.  He is smart, and cute and snugly.  It is just hard to beleive how much trouble he can get into in such short periods of time.  I am totally convinced he is extra naughty because I bragged so much about my first one being so well behaved.  I’m just wondering if I could take those innocent moments of gloating back.  And if I truly feel sorry for it, will this child start acting more like a human and less like an animal?  I hope so, because I don’t want to have to read any books and this kid is quickly ruining my reputation of the “mom who knows what she’s doing.”