I nursed both of my boys for a year each. Now I have weaned my sweet Baby B and its a little bittersweet.

At around 10 months of age, I decided to slowly over the two month span work toward using a bottle regularly. I thought it was because of B's extreme love of nursing and cuddling, that was the reason I couldn't sleep at night anymore. Some people sleep really well with their little ones and co-sleeping is a magical bonding time. For me it meant lying awake the whole night counting the hours on the clock...and we still aren't done with the co-sleeping thing. B starts out in his crib, then ends up in our bed before the night is over. So from 10:30 til about 3am, I get the best sleep, but from 3am on, B usually says no to being consoled and going back in his crib. Tired exhausted me, the woman who hasn't had a solid 8 hours in over 3 years takes the easy road. But the easy road, isn't always easy...and it doesn't always result in good restful sleep. Both my boys tend to sleep in spurts, then suddenly thrash like they are attempting to wrestle a small woodland creature. I've been kicked in the nose, had my breasts trampled by a toddlers knees, kicked in the kidneys and well lets just say the bed is a dangerous place with boys in it. Even my husband has smacked me in the nose with a fist.

Anyway, back to the main point of this post. I chose to wean thinking that switching to formula, something thicker, would help B sleep thru the night. I was wrong. Thankfully he still nursed when he was fussy and in between bottles. He didn't like the bottle at first and wouldn't take formula. I had to ease him into it and mix the formula with breast milk for him to take it, but it didn't help him sleep thru the night like it did with J.

So I had to employ the hubs. I needed him to see if he could get B to go back to sleep in the middle of the night without me intervening...if I could nix the night time nursing, then maybe we could continue to nurse a little longer during the day?

That didn't help. Hunky Hubs took Braidy at night for two weeks, Braidy slept thru the night like an angel. Then I got up one night when Hunky Hubs needed desperate sleep and he insisted on nursing.

He remembered.

It was apparent that I could either continue on my days of four hours of sleep a night...or commence the weaning process.

But hey, I made it pretty much a year right? B wearned the day after his birthday. He doesn't root for it anymore.

My heart feels a little empty. 

Why couldn't I have been the mom to nurse her baby til her baby was ready to stop? Am I being selfish to want more sleep?

My baby is growing up.

He's One!  ONE!

It sounds so cliche, but where did the year go?

So not only am I dealing with the issue of not breastfeeding anymore, but I'm still not getting sleep at night and my one year old is.....(drum roll)................walking.

Showing off his skills at his party!

My baby started walking!

He started taking steps at around 11 months, and then he'd take steps between Hunky Hubs and I. We'd sit on the floor and let him walk between the two of us. It would start out at 2 steps, 4 then 6. We'd move farther apart when he gained more confidence and soon he'd let go of things he was holding on to and take 14 to 20 steps before falling....and now he's cruising. He still walks with deliberation and with his arms raised for what I assume is balance, but he's a toddler! A full fledge toddler now! My baby is a toddler.

I have two walking boys.

(sigh)

I know I have so many more firsts with B, but these first milestones are so heart wrenching when you know they are going to be your last firsts.

The last first birthday.

The last first steps.

The last time he cuddles into me and nurses til he drops off to sleep....

I'm not gonna cry.

Ok, kinda blubbering...a little.

My babies will always be my babies...but these last few milestones over the last few months kinda sting.

But on the brighter side...I have two healthy boys and so much to be thankful for. So the fact that my boys are growing up, that's a good thing huh? This mama just has to wipe away those tears and keep on smiling, because this house is filled with so much laughter and love, I just can't stand it! 

Moving on....

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Author: Heather author at Mommy Only Has 2 Hands
Wife, Mother of Two Boys, Coffee Addict, Pinterest obsessed, an aspiring writer balancing every day life of raising a family and blogging about it.