The Rules of 'Engagement' After Marriage

Our friends keep asking us to write about sex. Okay ladies, we will take one for the team. You're welcome. Mom and Dad: If you are reading this, now is the time to log off. Thanks.

As wives we can all remember how we lured our husbands to love us in the first place. All it took was one look, and they knew what time it was. It was so easy to get them to do whatever we wanted. Okay, who are we kidding, we still use sex as a ploy to get what we want... and so do you. (DON'T LIE!).

Unfortunately, times have changed. Back then we had less responsibilities, less stressful jobs, hot little bodies and more time on our hands. As that time filled up, sex became lower on the totem pole. It also became somewhat of a chore. We know as wives we have a duty to make our men happy, but guys, help us, help you. Very simple.

Here are some helpful hints you can share with your husbands if they want to get laid more often:

  • Numero Uno: Don't ignore us all night, without so much as a, "How was your day honey?" Then once we climb into bed think it is go time. The only thing going around here is ME - TO SLEEP.
  • Next, help out with the chores. Studies show, (according to Yahoo!), when men help out with chores, women feel more appreciated. Therefore more inclined to give it up. Hey, you can't argue with Science! HELP US!
  • If it is after 9:30 pm on a weekday, forget it.... immediately.
  • When initiating sex during the work week, romance is not necessary. You have about ten minutes before we fall asleep, make them count! We are a sure thing so stop wasting time.
  • Weekend sex, the rules are different. Romance IS necessary. If you try to cut to the chase, we will feel used and fat. (Tip: we always think we are fat no matter how skinny we are.)
  • To clarify romance: This does not mean grab our butts as we are trying to cook or brush our teeth. This caveman act is not sexy. Sorry to burst your bubble guys, but it doesn't turn us on. Romance means massages, candles, take on an extra chores, draw a bath, etc. You get the idea (hopefully). Nothing says I love you like alcohol!
  • Last but not least, insist your wife reads 50 Shades of Grey. The writing is horrible, however the content is smokin' hot. It will work and it does.

I hope you enjoyed our Rules of Engagement. Now pass them along and please feel free to add your own in the comment section below. Cheers, Holly & Kari

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Tags: #humor, #marriage, #sex

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Comment by Holly Rust on June 3, 2013 at 2:17pm

@Angela.  Sure thing!  Feel free to link.  Loving the "Did you shave your legs for this".  Glad many of us are on the same page :)

Cheers,

Holly

Comment by Angela on June 3, 2013 at 10:41am

Love this. I was just thinking about writing a post similiar to this but was wondering how similiar my thoughts were to other women's and marriages. I just feel like my husband and I are so overwhelmed and busy this year. We just go through the motions and never have time alone together. I would love to link this to my post when I write it. Also I did write the following post which is on the same topic Did you shave your legs for this?

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