For over a year I've attempted to run this blog and it never worked out. I think I got through a month before letting it drop off. At first I stopped because my postpartum depression was more than I could handle. Then I just lost inspiration and one reason I did because I was constantly trying to match my blogs greatness to that of other blogs. I found the most popular blogs were either themed with recipes or crafts (something I'm not particularly in to), or were mommy blogs based off of a new mother's perfect baby or that sarcastic mom that told the hard truth of being a mom without making it seem like she's miserable. I attempted a little of all of that and it wasn't working for me. I wasn't being honest with myself or anyone that was reading or I was being too honest then getting ashamed of it. I've realized I have nothing to be ashamed of.

The truth is I am a young mother who dropped out of university because being a mother was more important. I some times regret that decision and at the same time feel like if I had finished my three semesters I would've wasted a lot of time and money that I could be using for my daughter. My husband and I were not married before Emily was born. We did not have our dream wedding or a honeymoon or anything really. We live with my grandparents because it took 8 months to get Karl's green card so he could work and the first job I found wasn't paying me squat. Plus, getting a green card costs thousands and thousands of dollars so we were going broke just from that. I had depression in high school and with all the pressure to get a college education and being told by multiple people that getting pregnant was a mistake, the depression came back in the form of postpartum depression and it was very difficult for me to bond with my husband after our marriage because of it. My faith disappeared in high school when I started dating my ex who ironically came from a very religious family and he pretended to be religious around them, but in reality he was super atheist and was constantly making fun of me for wanting to find God so I am struggling now to find out where I belong with Jesus. I lost all but one of my friends when I became pregnant. I guess the friends I made while studying abroad couldn't find room for a girl that was the life of the party in England when I could no longer fill that roll. My life is far from perfect.

The truth is if I ever want to go back to school, I can do it. I'm glad me and my husband are actually married since most don't get married. We will eventually have our dream wedding in Disney World and our honeymoon will be with our daughter watching her have fun meeting Mickey. I am so appreciative of my grandparents for allowing us to live with them while we try to sort our life out. I'm not depressed anymore, and found out the flaws in my life that make me depressed. I changed them and didn't need meds to get "normal". My faith in Jesus is stronger than ever, and I realize He has done so much for me. My best friend Erica stuck with me, and I'm meeting people that have similarities with me so our friendship works out. My life may not be perfect but I know it gets better.

That's the truth of my life, and this blog will be written without me trying to impress anyone. It's just for me and what I want to write. Some times I might be mean, some times I might seem down, others I might be having a fantastic day. That's me though, and I'm happy with that.

This blog is my journey to finding my kind of perfect.

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Comment by Calyn Leake Zeiger on December 28, 2012 at 1:25am

i think that's a fabulous idea. 

Comment by Cassie Nicole on December 27, 2012 at 4:40pm

At first I started to blog because I wanted to get loads of readers so I could feel that what I was writing was making a difference. It took a while to realize that just writing for me may not make a difference in someone else's life but it will make one in me which will help in everyday life. So I might not have a centered theme or write about things that are helpful to everyone, but my hope is out there someone might relate and with that help them. I had a daughter in the NICU and I've tried to forget how difficult that was because it wasn't ideal but my struggle could help someone else. So I'm just writing and seeing where it goes. I'll keep writing even if it goes no where. My grandfather likes to read it lol.

Comment by Calyn Leake Zeiger on December 26, 2012 at 7:51pm

I'm glad you seem to coming to terms with things. Blogging should never ultimately be for anyone but the blogger. I use my blog to share specific posts with friends and family through that fb share button, but I blog for me. I don't think anyone could keep up a blog that wasn't ultimately for them, whatever the topic is. 

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