There has been a lot going on this week.  I was going back and forth, trying to decide what to write about today and figured I would give you a recap of this week's headlines.

The first big story this week was a sad one. Dick Clark died of a massive heart attack at the age of 82.  This was sad.  I remember spending New Year's Eve at Sarah's house when we were kids.  Every year I would sleep at her house, while our parents rang in the New Year downstairs. We would sneak peeks downstairs every now and then, trying to see what the grown ups were doing.  I actually don't recall anything scandalous, but I remember hearing Dick Clark's voice counting down to the New Year, and all of the grown ups yelling Happy New Year with him. We grew up with him.
That being said....
Why were they wheeling that poor man out every New Years Eve after he had that stroke?  I think it was painful for all of us to watch. Whether you liked him or not, he was an icon.  I wish he would have passed the reins on while he was still on top.  No one wanted to see Dick, with his wicked big forehead, that seemed to get bigger and more tan every year, hosting the way he was.  And it was painful to watch that metro-sexual, Ryan Seacrest, co-host with him over these last few years because you knew that Ryan was chomping at the bit to snag that job and Dick was thinking that Ryan would have to pry that job out of his cold dead hands.  Well, my guess is, that Ryan will be helping us all ring in the next New Year.  I just don't think it will be as Rockin'.  But whatever.  I'm asleep by 10 on New Year's Even now anyways.
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Enjoy Jack. Enjoy.

Today is Jack Nicholson's 75th birthday.  Hasn't he been 75 for like, the past 15 years?  Even at 75, he's still pretty bad-ass.  Happy Birthday Jack.
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Today is also Earth Day.
Isn't every day Earth Day?
I feel like I am forever being scolded, yelled at, lectured to and judged for whether I recycle, how I recycle, whether I bring in my own bags to the Supermarket, how much gas my car guzzles, whether I used cloth or disposable diapers and what kind of dim-ass light bulbs I am using (how annoying is it that the energy efficient ones take a bit of time before they reach maximum brightness?  I want light, and I want it when I flip the switch).
STOP YELLING AT ME!
Happy Earth Day, Earth.  My gift to you is that I just went in and peed in the dark.  Don't say I never gave you anything.  Every time I turn on the bathroom light, I get irrationally angry at how long it takes to become bright in there because of our special energy efficient bulbs.  So today, I just didn't even use the light.  You win, environmentalists.  You win. I will be environmentally conscious, but I won't like it.
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Jaleel White can't believe he survived DWTS's Twist.
Really? I think the real wonder is how Jaleel White ended up back on television at all. Even on Dancing With The Stars.  I mean, we're talking about Urkel.
But yes, Jaleel, a close second is ... how are you stillon?

Jaleel White may look like this now.....
But he'll always beUrkel to me.

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.  Are they?  Aren't they?  Are they just old family friends like Mom, Kris Jenner claims?  Or are they more than that?  Are they already married?  Is Kris Humphries really their love child?  Is Kim carrying his baby in her ass?
Really?  I thought we all still hated Kim for marrying Kris Humphries and divorcing him 72 days later.  I thought that there was a huge Kardashian boycott going on.
C'mon, we all still watch all 17 of the Kardashian shows, and people are still buying Quik Trim thinking they'll look like a Kardashian sister.  We all still read the articles about who Kim is dating now and whether Khloe is preggers yet.
No need to worry.  I am sure there is some public arena where Kanye will interrupt someone, steal their thunder, and explain his relationship with Kim.  Until we know for sure, just take comfort in knowing that soon enough, we will all get to watch Kourtney pull her own baby out of her body on national television.  And for those of you who are gasping in horror, wondering WTF I am talking about.....actually, never mind, you don't want to know.

Here is Kim standing next to an x-ray of her own ass. That's not even me talking crazy, I saw the episode where she did this to prove it was her real ass.

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Neil Diamond got married for the third time on Saturday. C'mon, this is big news.  Who doesn't love Mr. Sweet Caroline?  I know he's my Mom's fave.  Neil is 71, his new bride is 42.  And his manager.
Now, believe it or not, I was going to try and make some bitchy remarksjokes about her being young and his manager, but then I realized she isn't all that different from me.  No, not because our husbands both wear flowing sparkly shirts.

This is Neil and his sparkly shirt.
And this is Chris on Friday night. The resemblance is uncanny, right?

Really though, his new wife/manager, isn't all that different from us.
Aren't we all "managers" for our men?  Where would they be without us?
She schedules tours and road trips for work, we schedule road trips and tours for vacation.
She sets up press interviews (that yes, you have to go to, Neil), we set up pre-school parent-teacher conferences (that yes, you have to go to, Chris).
She makes sure the Metamucil is in his dressing room on tour, we make sure the flax seeds are on hubby's salad in his lunchbox.
Tomato - Potahto.  More power to them.
Although 71 and 42 is kind of gross.  Even for Neil Diamond.  Sorry Mom.
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Who poses like that?!?!

Remember the "man" who got pregnant a few years ago, Thomas Beatie?
You remember.  The media made this HUGE freakin' deal about A MAN HAVING A BABY(gasp!), when really it was a woman who hadn't completed her gender re-assignment surgeries yet.

I mean, this is a legit lady, and look at the 'stache going on there.

It was a woman, with a mustache and beard, having a baby.  Which pretty much happens every day, let's be honest. What?  There are some hairy-ass women out there!

Anywho....him and his wife are splitting up after 9 years and 3 children.  No way!?!?!  And how great for the 3 kids they had.  Like all the media attention of their she-Dad giving birth to them didn't garner enough attention, but now they are going through a public separation with bitches like me talking about their family.  Poor things.
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But let's leave things on a positive note.
Yes I can do that, geesh.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are officially engaged! Yay Brangelina!
They were originally refusing to wed until it was legal for all Americans to do the same, which really... how admirable?  I mean, way to stand up for what is right, guys! What moral character they have.
Well they caved, I guess.  Couldn't wait that long.  Like my 4 year olds say, "It's haaaaaaaard to wait."
Kinda like having to wait to divorce your wife before having some sort of freak-fest affair with your co-star.  That's hard.
Also like denying an affair, but then showing up on the cover of a magazine with the home-wrecker, along with a bunch of children, looking like the All American family you say you want.  Yah, it's hard to wait.
I'm Team Aniston.  Remember?
So really, should we be surprised that the home-wrecker and the cheater are getting married despite the fact that not all Americans can do so legally?  Not at all.  It's hard to wait.

But seriously, on a happy note... I found a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs from Easter that I had hidden from the boys, in the cabinet tonight.  What is better than that?  Have a great week!

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Tags: Clark, Dick, blogs, brangelina, humor, twin

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