** We use a lot of damn toilet paper in this house.

** A threat is more successful if you actually follow through with it.

** My seven year olds have more friggin' homework than grad students.

** If you don't like driving in the rain, it's probably best not to drive in the damn rain.

** Chipmunks have turned our front steps into their own personal shitter.

** Wearing a skirt to the playground on a windy day is not the smartest thing I've ever done.

** Someone should really make an app for patience cause I'm fresh out.

** I have been in and out of my car more than Lindsay's been in and out of rehab.

** Volunteering to help in your child's unairconditioned classroom should totally be a paid gig (or at least be accompanied by cocktails.)

** Full moons only occur when my husband's out of town.

** Messes follow me around like a venereal disease.

** I now understand the meaning of "going all postal on your ass".

** It's impossible to remember everyone's name in this freaking house.

** My son chews his food at least 5,888 times before swallowing it.

** I need to find a REALLY profitable corner to work.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

SO TELL ME SOMETHING THAT YOU LEARNED THIS WEEK!!!! >>