** School doesn't start for 10 more weeks (but who's counting?).

** It's gonna be a LONG summer.

** If it happened on Scooby Doo, then it must be true.

** I've visited pretty much every public restroom from here to Timbuktu.

** Hugh Hefner's fiancee must've realized that she'd have to have sex with an old man.

** It's all fun and games till you find a turd in the pool.

** An ad for breast augmentation right before a kids' movie at the theater is nothing short of INAPPROPRIATE.

** I'd gain 500 pounds if I lived with my mom who is one kick-ass baker.

** Some people actually eat spleen sandwiches and tuna sperm, the thought of which makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

** I would punch myself in the face if I had to work at a Build-A-Bear Workshop.

** When all else fails, paying your kids to go the eff to sleep sometimes actually works!

** The blender works much better if you plug it in.

** My kids like each other every once in a blue moon.

** An entire bottle of Advil now resides all over the bottom of my purse.

** All hands and feet must remain inside the vehicle at all times.

** Life is too short to be a sour puss all the time.

** I had a great uncle name Harry Below and a great aunt named Rosie Below.  For real, y'all!

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

SO TELL ME SOMETHING YOU LEARNED THIS WEEK!!! >>