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** Boot camp and sinus pressure go together about as well as a yoga class and Mel Gibson.
** The entire household turns into assholes when my husband goes out of town.
** I could win an award in procrastination for all that I HAVEN'T accomplished lately.
** A Nerf gun battle that ends without tears is nothing short of a damn miracle.
** My daughter chugs hot chocolate like a frat dude chugs beer.
** I miss the good old days when the shorties used to listen to me.
** Goatdog may very well be responsible for destroying the rain forest with all the paper that he eats.
** Listening to a seven year old sing along to T-Pain is both disturbing and a little bit of awesome.
** M&M's are my guaranteed go-to bribe.
** I'd rather suck down a shit sandwich than be in charge of homework time.
** This year's annual dust bunny convention is apparently taking place under my family room sofa.
** My son likes to make his penis talk. (Don't ask.)
** It's all fun and games till someone chews up your eyeball.
** Kids can have three toes poking through the ends of their shoes and STILL not tell you they need new kicks.
** Cheap wine makes for one helluva souvenir headache the next day.
** I should stop buying Kleenex for my family since my sleeve or my shoulder seems to be the tissue of choice.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
SO TELL ME SOMETHING YOU LEARNED THIS WEEK!!!! >>