♥ ♥ This evening I realized I have been thinking a lot lately… What does this mean to me?
This thinking could mean several things! I noticed that I am feeling down and thinking about different things in my life. Is this a new episode of Depression? Is this just the time of year? Am I feeling like I am missing something in my life? Is there something more
I can do for others? Am I letting anyone down? Am I letting myself down in some way?
Honestly I’m not sure the answer to any of those questions! I just know I am thinking and wondering many different things. I pray that I am not falling into a Depression that will affect the people around me negatively. Don’t get me wrong I am happy in my life, things have improved so much over the past month within my mind, but it leaves me wondering whats the next mood going to be.
Did I stabilize or did I just shift moods?
This is a question I ask myself often in my life, why? Because if I don’t who will? I am in control and have to stay that way, its part of my daily work to live “normally”. Part of my daily work to have life “normal” for my kids and those around me! I’m not sure how many of you realize that we who have mental illness work hard everyday to control the part of our brains that don’t work “normally”. It’s exhausting work sometimes.. well all the time. It is part of our daily lives and the effort it takes to constantly study our reactions, behaviors, feelings, choices etc is immense. Are we always successful? No of course we aren’t but we are harder on our selves when we don’t than any person with a “normal” functioning brain would ever dream of..
We are deeply caring and intuitive people usually. We aren’t dumb in any way, we are typically quite intelligent. I am more intuitive and giving than book smart but I feel deeply, deeper than anyone I know. I have this empathy for people which tunes into how people feel and it’s exhausting sometimes. My emotions are high at all times! Yet I have to work to control every possible thing I can within myself and my Bipolar symptoms!
Anyway you can see that I am spending a good part of my energy thinking lately! I have been so busy with the kids and the holidays and I haven’t had the time I need online. I am trying not to stress about it but stress is what I do!
Really I think I just wanted to give you insight into how things are for me where my mind is and my attempt at “normal” life!
“Success in life comes to those who simply refuse to give up; individuals with vision so strong that obstacles, failure and loss only act as teachings.”
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Plato
“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” George Bernard Shaw
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