Picture this: I'm in my pajamas, hair knotted up in a ponytail type thing, wrapped in a fleece blanket eating Crunch 'n Munch out of the box and drinking a Sobe, staring blankly at the computer screen wondering what to blog about. I would probably consider my life as "normal", not extremely boring to where I can't write about something, but not all that exciting to where I'm busting at the seams writing hastily about what is going on in my life. So here I sit, pondering...
I've decided to tell you all some NEWS! I'm very hesitant to do so, and you will know why at the end of the post. So here goes nothing. ::sigh::
***We have started trying for baby number 2.*** ::winces::
For those of you who know me personally, I have fought with this decision, as well as the hubbs, for months now. Our first experience was not the most ideal. We tried for a year and ended up conceiving on Clomid. The whole pregnancy was nothing but stress. If it wasn't me being sick, having sciatica, varicose veins or extreme fatigue, it was the baby measuring small or something of the like. Then, OH THEN, the delivery. Yikes. Never want to go through that again. In a nutshell...post partum hemorrhage for me, pulmonary hemorrhage for babe. It was rough.
Now, I have ran this "trying" thing through my head about 5,231,853 times and these are the pros and cons I came up with:
*Mia NEEDS a sibling-I hated being an only child for 12 years.
*My uterus is aching for a baby :)
*Mia LOVES babies! She rocks them, pats them, feeds them...
*I miss having a baby. I have a toddler now and miss a baby!
*I only wanted 2-3 years between children
*I have always wanted multiple children
*More kids to help with the household chores :))
*Mia will have a playmate and a friend
*My husband is an only child and always wanted siblings.
*Hubbs is dying for more children-I can't deny him that, right?!
*I finally WANT another!
*I don't know that I can love another child the way that I love Mia
*Will grandparents love the new one as much?
*Will everyone forget about Mia? I can't have that!
*Less time/attention/money for Mia
*Mia will always be my favorite, right?
*Everyone else's opinion
*What if I can't handle another?
*Babysitter situation: who wants to watch BOTH of my kiddos?!
So, these are the things my mind races around every day. I'm mentally exhausted already!
I think I'm finally coming around because we are settled in our new house, where we plan to stay for a very long time-if not forever. Mia is becoming much more independent. My scholarship will be paid off by next summer and Dave said I could work part-time (2 12hour shifts per week). I feel like everything is falling into place, yet still nervous. Is it really time for this AGAIN?
The reason I hated "officially" saying that we are "trying" is because now everyone knows. Now people will feel free to make comments and judgements. Every month people will ask "pregnant?" I want this to be low key. I do not feel as pressured this time. If I can't have another baby, I'm ok with that because I have the best thing ever already! If I do get pregnant, GREAT! I am determined not to let this affect mine and the hubbs relationship/sex life (sorry if that is TMI-it's my blog I can say whatever I want!). I refuse to let this cut into my Mia time. I will not let my mind wrap so far into this that it affects everything in my life. I did all of this with Mia and will NOT do it this time!
I want this whole experience/pregnancy to be completely different from that of Mia. I want to be more laid back and relaxed and actually ENJOY this pregnancy! I don't want to rush it through, but enjoy just "being" pregnant and feeling the move of the baby.
All I can ask is that you pray for God's will to be done in our lives. We are not in control and I trust that He will do whatever is best for us. What do you think?? This is the one and only time I am ASKING for you opinion, so please take this opportunity and comment! After this, you are cut off until asked! HA!
Thank you in advance for all of your support. I love you all!