First, the good news...I am a successful parent of 3 lovely children (2 grown up) and run a list of my own businesses. I get up when I want (except on Wednesdays when I am rudely awaken by the dustman...). I have over 6 figures in the bank, look pretty good for my age, have been told I'm 'sexy' (strange description for a man I think, but I'll take it nonetheless) with a lovely voice, good friends, lots of toys and I want for nothing.

Now the bad. Except I want for everything...I drink too much to say the least. I am probably now addicted to prescription medication as well as self -sourced valium. I have nothing I want. I am paranoid, scared, alone and dare I say desperate even? Going out of the house is a challenge every day. I have recently started crying uncontrollably. I know that exercise helps lift depression but I am so depressed I can't be bothered to seek out my gym kit... In fact scratch that, I have just been to the gym! After all, I have so many Barca tops to have a reason to wear :)

Most of all I want love. I deserve it and I can be good at it, when allowed. We all want love, even thou it puts us in the most unimaginable realm of risk. I want that risk.

Earlier this year I took that risk and gave it to someone I thought would honour and respect it. The other had kids of their own, teenagers to boot, but I bought a book and did my very best to try and adapt into an already established family with their own set of “in” jokes” and all the joys of step-parenting!. I did what I could, put food on the table as times are hard, bought presents, offered support and empathy in trying times, drove to her house ALL THE TIME, bought flowers, chocolate for the kids etc..

Earlier this year, we conceived a BABY! Can you imagine? Moving in, more mouths to feed, the excitement of parenthood, and at our age - and we could afford it...Like any relationship we had our ups and downs but this was certainly good news! I'd been a very young parent before and had made something of a hash of it in my opinion. Now I had the time, the money and the experience to do things properly.

Or was it? Then came the conditions.... the hormones, and the 7 ugly dwarfs (the jealous voices of wisdom)...All of a sudden the calculator came out. How romantic I hear you all gasp! Apparently SW (we'll call her that, she apparently believes in fairy-tales)...would only have the baby if she was allowed to quit work full time? Now I'm no maths teacher but surely with one partner quitting work that leaves less income? I was going to go from feeding 2 mouths to 6 in an instant! It should also be noted that SW had only 3 weeks before been turned down for a promotion at work and wanted to through the towel in. Co-incidence or "Charlie in the Chocolate Factory Golden Ticket" time...? She also somewhat belatedly confessed she had a $16,000 loan that I would need to pay off for her too in order to go through with the birth. Classy woman..Did I also forget to mention she was a teacher, finished work at 3pm every day and for 4 months of every year didn't even have a place to call work...

A year off maternity leave yes, quitting a career with a Government Indexed linked Final Salary Pension forever? I think not. Especially when, as already mentioned, I was self employed and had more than enough time and energy to be a carer full time? It all made very little sense to me. Still doesn't really..... She aborted and dumped me in unison. We went from picking colour schemes to deletion on social networks in a heartbeat. The relationship ended so soon my feet never touched the ground, and I also had a list of other emotional and physical battles going on....That no one seemed to acknowledge... I never got any answers. Was I wrong to expect any? I never got any allowances for my side... But when is life fair?

I was doing OK. Then I found a blog by my X that made me feel exactly as she wanted me to feel...How easy is it to google your X's name and see what happens? They know you do this. THEY WANT YOU TO DO THIS...Can you imagine reading all your worst fears and nightmares there for the whole world to see and only one side of a story? And not a SINGLE MENTION OF A TERMINATION (except of my character of course..) To be fair, she never named me like her most recent failures known as Prince Charming or Cute Young Guy. I was simply "Mr X". Too horrible for a nice abbreviation...

At least have the class to do it anonymously, as i have done, but no she craves the attention so much!

Blogs are for everyone I know, but this was too close.... Still is, opened as many old wounds as she wanted to in 1 foul swoop....She knew this would open up a can best left shut. Still, I suppose one version of the truth is better than none...

Before we get to the real drama, I'll start at the beginning, and unlike her, I will tell the whole truth, even the bits I don't like or show me up badly... Just watch this space. Doubtless there is a story to be told here, but let's get the record straight..