Especially after a long day. You worked all day. You pick up two tired kids at daycare and then of one of the next 5 things are said…lets just say mommy dearest gets irrationally angry.
1. What can I do to help?
Answer nothing. You shouldn’t ask you should just do it. There is nothing more infuriating then walking in with two cranky kids and asking what should I do? Uh duh. Take a kid and open the bottle of wine.
2. I was just going to (insert whatever super important thing you consider to be top priority here).
Listen. Don’t say I was about to. Apologize to the crazy woman with messy hair in front of you and then do it.
3. How was your day?
When I’m clearly tired and enraged – why ask about my day? Again open the bottle of wine and hand me a glass. Also take one of the crying babies. This is a man-to-man defense not a zone.
4. Don’t forget (insert something that is actually important and you did forget but at the time you don’t want to hear it).
I mean I forget things like all the time. I just don’t want to hear it when I’m trying to get some semblance of a meal on the table.
5. Anything other than this dinner that is overcooked is the best thing I’ve ever eaten and you look beautiful. I know spouses don’t read minds. But I think those two phrases are the only two that should be uttered on a weeknight.
I still don’t have my glass of wine. And I should probably tell him that the defrosting on the chicken he did was the best and he looks handsome.